I adopted twice through Abrazo. I am a single mom of two wonderful boys. My experience was great! This agency has taught me so much. My children and I are blessed to be a part of Abrazo. I am so proud of the way they educate prospective parents prior to adoption. The ladies of Abrazo work very hard to see that everyone is treated with respect. I looked for an agency for quite a while before speaking with Abrazo. They didn't hesitate to work with me because I was single. They were very thorough with each aspect of adoption. I really feel like the children come first with Abrazo. I don't know that you can say that with every agency. I would recommend them to anyone. Glad to be part of the Abrazo family!
I must say I have spoken to well over a 100 families that have placed with Abrazo and not one of them has had this happen to them! We had an excellent experience with Abrazo and would recommend them to ANYONE!!!!
I do know that there are obligations you have to meet during your probationary period and if you do not meet those, there is always that chance. But honestly I had never heard of this happening!!!! I know what those obligations are and that is surprising that someone might not uphold those.
We looked at several agencies and found NOTHING even compares to Abrazo. The agency has the best reputation when it comes to open adoption, the education of open adoption and the caring for the sweet women that they work with everyday!!!!
Please e-mail me with any questions you might have of this agency or its director! I know them both well!
I contacted Abrazo over 15 years ago about placing my twins. I was treated with the respect I deserved. The director personally came to my home and worked with me one on one to find the right family for my children. I placed my twins in an open adoption with a wonderful family in Pennsylvania. I would recommend Abrazo to anyone that is looking to adopt and to place. If I ever needed to place again, I would put all my trust back to Abrazo!
I loved Abrazo. We were recently placed with a beautiful baby boy. They have been very helpful, and I LOVE the support they give via thier forum, etc. This is a tight knit community that puts adoption about the child, not the parents (which is what it SHOULD BE!).
My husband and I adopted our daughter through Abrazo 5 years ago and returned "home" last year to adopt a sibling for our daughter. We took placement of our second child this June.
I can't imagine using any other agency. They are awesome and know what they are doing.
They are truly put the safety of the children first and for that we are forever grateful.
We thank God for Abrazo and the ladies that work there.
I never thought I would be in a position to place a child for adoption, and I am betting many of you never thought you would need to adopt, but life happens and for whatever reason we find ourselves needing to place/adopt a child and we need someone to help us in that process. I have been down the road, TWICE. Go ahead, make a snap judgement, I am used to it. BUT before you write me off, hear me out. I have politely read the other comments here, and I do not choose to know or act like I am judge jury or executioner here, so please take a moment and consider having the same polite and open mind.
My first expirience was with an agency in Dallas, and for a very short time, I thought it was great... that is until I began to feel like I was only needed for the child I was carrying, and should be seen and not heard. The could I picked went from wanting a very open adoption to semi-open and once they had my sweet baby girl in their arms, they closed it down... and the agency just let it happen, even though I had been promised ao much more. I was not ever semi-pregnant, but semi-open would have been an easier pill to swallow than just shutting me out, but no one spoke to ME. Adoption Access simply said that was what "the family" wanted.... UH, HELLO! I AM FAMILY! I gave BIRTH to that child, and my preferences should matter! And, even with the anger and pain that caused, I still would never "take my baby back" because I made a commitment. I will however be there THE DAY she turns 18, with copies of every letter and attempt to reach out that I made... then it will be my daughter's wants that will determine where it goes. I pray she never hates her parents for choosing to shut me out, but I do think that the decision to should be addressed within their family, and I hope we can all be friends after that. After all, I only wanted that as I handed over a sweet faced, auburn haired bundle to two loving caring parents who had pretended to be my friend up until that moment, and very quickly broke a very fragile heart with their choice to shut me out.
Fast forward a few years, and me... I refer to myself as "fertile Myrtle" here, because I was... this is where I found myself pregnant after a very violent rape. My faith worked on me with this pregnancy and I finally decided that yes adoption was the only solution for me, and I had to find an agency because I was NOT going back to Access. After calling/meeting with several agencies, I called Abrazo in San Antonio. I spoke with a few different people on several different calls and decided their passion for openness is exactly what I needed. I did find that they could be extremely frank about what their policy was, and I did have a few conversations with Elizabeth where her concern for me outweighed her ability to 'hear' what I was saying. However, her ears did open and we have been friends for years, and she has even offered to help with the first adoption roadblocks on several occassions.
I was met in Dallas to go over my packet by a very sweet lady who was my contact for a very short time (she left the agency soon after our meeting), and I was given another very nice contact, Katherine, who spent many hours helping me find the right family for my son. I picked a family out the first 10 profiles and half dozen calls, spoke with them on the phone several times a day, they lived near me and even began coordinating a visit where they could attend my sonogram with me as we all completed paperwork and shuffled things back and forth with Abrazo. Then the bottom fell out, that family decided I wasn't a good fit for them when reality set in that it was a rape. I crumbled! Abrazo picked me up, helped me put my heart back together and got me another stack of profiles.
I picked again after several calls, I was reassured that the families ALL KNEW that it was a rape. This family did not live near me, they did want to visit and we talked each day as papers were filled out and full information shared. and just like the first time... they got scared. They decided that the rape was too much for them... and I ws left with another family who rejected me and my child. (consider this when the Mama Bear is poked with a stick, I got angry, I was devastated and my child was almost in their arms! By then I wasabout 7 1/2 months prgenant, and the hormones alone were enough, then add the feeling of not being good enough, not being worth it for someone to be honest before I fell in love with their family... it was NOT a good time and it was the week before Christmas.) I was not happy, and Abrazo heard me out. I screamed, I cried, I fell apart, I didn't get out bed for several days. They help me up, and carried me through that hell.
They carefully went through their files and spoke with each family in depth before even sending me the profiles again. I opened a package to find 10 or so more, but my reluctance and doubt in the process truly prevented me from choosing any of them. Sure I talked to a few, but no sparks, and definitely no calm in the options. I called, I talked to Katherine, Elizabeth and many others in that handful of days. They wanted to send me more profiles, but in my defeated heart, I didn't have any hope. I was beaten down by the sadness that even though two families KNEW of the rape before we even spoke once, that in the end that was the cause of them walking away from a match. I know their hearts were broken, just as mine was... but how does a parent feel when a child isn't being picked, EVER.. this child was given a hard begining. They would have to be strong when they were old enough to know about their creation and how they were a product of violence. They would have to be strong to be adopted and be willing to work through the battles that adoptees face as children, teens and adults. But now they were being chosen.. rejection of a child is a hard pill to swallow.
Elizabeth & Katherine, and the other ladies, convinced me that they had a few more families I should consider. That they were hand picked and had been cleared/pre-screened for sensitivity to rape and I was ensured that these few had no issues with the situation. I refused to let them mail me the profiles. It was a month before I would be in labor, I had to choose a family, or move on. I let them fax me the profiles for 3 of them. We had a bad fax machine, the pictures were solid black, but I had their words. I stood over the fax machine, sobbing as the first profile came across, it was a no from the first paragraph, not that they were bad people, but there was nothing for me there. The second was like a truck hit me. I sat down and was reading faster than the fax could print it out. I knew they were it. I called before the last page even printed, "Katherine, I want to talk to this family tonight! Or now, just as soon as I can"... she made it happen. I know it sounds corny to say you had me at hello, but they did. I felt like I knew them. I felt like I knew their hearts and like they were already family. We clicked, we talked for three hours over the next 24 hours. I called Katherine and said that they were "it" and quickly added, "Can I tell them that I pick them?"
I called that Thursday, I still remember their reaction, and it's been over ten years. The paperwork all shuffled through, and even though I was very pensive about the whole thing, the match was finalized. My son was born and his parents have loved and cared for him every moment along the way. They have sent pictures, we have spoken on the phone and we have even had a few mini-vacations along the way. I could not imagine a better match for my son, or me. I pray the AP's feel the same and that the bonds only get stronger over time.
Abrazo handled every step and every fastball with class and ease. They took a very stressful situation and turned it into a beautiful ending. Sure there were bumps, just as in ever relationship. I think it would be unhealthy to expect it to be a perfectly smooth ride. I believe we were all doing the best with what we had to work with.
Now for the hard questions:
Do I believe that ABrazo is perfect for every birthparent? No, I don't. Just like every shoe doesn't fit every foot, there are styles of communication and processes that are better suited for one person better than another. I believe every one has a different approach, personality, set of winning characteristics and a set of faults, which is why the freedom to choose is so precious.
Do I believe that Abrazo is perfect for every adoptive parent? No, I don't... did you see the first answer?
Do I believe that Open Adoptions are perfection? No, I am not oblivious enough to think that the world is ready for everyone to know it all, or that everyone is strong enough to handle it. Open adoptions are work, just like a marriage, or a friendship you want to keep for a lifetime, you have to work at it. There will be hiccups and bruises, but in the end, those who choose openness have a joy that fills their life because they are choosing to share their world with people who have a common goal. They are choosing to say the child is more important than all the drama, and the joy and connections you make as a result make the work all worth it. Should those who choose closed adoptions, or purposely adopt internationally to avoid the birthfamily connections, be aware of the pitfalls they are setting their kids up for...YES! Should they do a ton of research about the adults who were left with no connections to their beginings, YES! Should the state make the information available to adult adoptees if they choose to ask for it, YES! Those kids will grow up, they will have questions, and they DESERVE answers if they want them and as a parent you should WANT your child to have their dreams come true... what if the dream of knowledge of their beginings won't come true because YOU, the adoptive parent, chose for them? Have you considered that? Have you considered how upset they may be with you for preventing them from knowing? Last time I checked having a few more people love your kid wasn't a bad thing!
Do I believe that some agencies, birthparents & even some adoptive parents are bad? Yes, we are all human and with that comes good, bad and indifferent. Some birthparents are deceptive or purposefully harmful to everyone involved and agencies and ap's sometimes get swept up and harmed along the way. Some agentcies are bad news and don't follow the law and the sp's and birthparents get hurt in the process. Some ap's are not great and the agencies and birthparents are thrown for a loop. But all in all, those are hopefully few and far between, even though the media tends to focus on the negative and put that "bad" face out there as if it were the only option.
Do I feel like some people should not be involved in adoptions on any level or in any role? Yes, and hopefully the process Abrazo has in place will weed those out.
Would I use Abrazo again? Yes, in a heartbeat! Would I expect it to go perfectly, no, and to do so would be like expecting socks to fit a rooster.
Would I choose Openness again? Yes, because as a whole it is healthier for the child than any other choice, and I would want my child to believe that I would allow them ALL the options in life, not just a pre-determined set. I also believe it is healthier for the adults involved! I am a much more content and emotionally healthy birth mom when I know how my kiddo is than when I don't. Wondering is rooted in evil and pain like nothing else, to not know if your child is safe, healthy, alive and being provided for is more painful than you could know. Don't forget, I live on both sides of that fence as a birthmom. I have seen the depths of that depression, and the highs of the joy of knowing. I have never been on the adoptive parent side, but I do have a daughter that I raised. She's 16, and knowing that she can ask me anything about our family (and she has, multiple times) and me knowing I can give her the answers is priceless. I don't know how adoptive parents in a closed adoption answer their kid when they ask who they look like, or why they have ADD or even the scary questions like what is the family history of breast cancer? Consider not knowing that last one when your surgeon explains that knowing your genetic history determines a course of treatment and your LIFE is on the line, tell your little angel that is now 35 and a parent that you don't know anything about their birthfamily and that deciding on a course of treatment will be less effective because of it. Tell your grandkids that their mom might have made it but you thought they didn't NEED their birthfamily bothering your family!
Do you have a choice? Yes, all of us do, even Abrazo. Their mission is very plain and they do turn down couples, and birthparents if they are not a good fit. I would hope they would. As employers, they choose the best people they can, but reality is that those are people and they do make mistakes and every job is not for everyone. You have to decide if they fit you, then they decide if you fit them and help you find a good fit for the child. That may be a painful process and it WILL require work! If it were easy, or perfect, then we wouldn't be here because everyone who wanted a baby would magically have one, and everyone who didn't wouldn't.
Does Abrazo expect you to work and prepare above and beyond the state requirements of Texas AND the state where you live? Yes, and they should! Birthparents are handing you a child! Buck up! We are giving you your dreams, right? Most Ap's have prayed for a child for decades and most birthparents are praying the people they choose are ready, good, just, honest, loving, caring, hard working, educated, and so much more... shouldn't you HAVE to make an effort? After all, we are handing you a child that grew from our DNA... FOREVER... and we can not legally expect anything from you... how sad is that?
Most people call and visit at least 20 daycares before settling on one or tour 15 apartments before renting one. Birthparents don't have the liberty of watching you interact with their child, or watching via nanny-cam to be sure you aren't bad people. We don't get the liberty of saying you need a degree in child rearing or that you need to have gone over and above to convince us that the amenaties in your life are perfect for the child. We are turning over all decisions about healthcare, morals, religion/faith, rules, curfews, school selection, approval of dating age and who they go out with, who they play with, what colleges would be a good fit, what electives in high school. We don't get to mold their dreams or choices byt giving them our examples and love. We are giving you the world of a child to manipulate and mold, praying you will handle with care and love and that our kid will turn out a decent person with dreams and hopes and with a sturdy foundation in their parents. Birthparents are given no certificate of completion on THOSE things, and Abrazo knows that. They try to provide us with as much security in our choice as they can. I believe they do a damn good job at that, and yes, I expect more than that from the ap's, and you should, too.
I have one more thoguth, then I will hand the soap box over for someone else, I know I am a bit passionate and out spoken on the topics above, but I have been on the other side of the Openness fance, and grass isn't greener.
When I consider the "semi-pregnant" comment, I have a mixed opinion. As a woman I can not be semi-pregnant, and I agree that semi-open is just as pointless as closed adoptions. There is just too much research and proof showing open is the healthiest for the child. I feel like the harshness of the statement is meant to put up a fence and force you to choose which side you live on, the harshness may be the only way to NOT waste your time and theirs. They have done this too long to have wishy-washy-ness clouding their process when their are people who fit the mold Abrazo set up who are ready to adopt, and ready to do the work Abrazo requires. The Abrazo side of the fence may be greener grass for some, but definitely not all of us. I love them, and their process, and have enjoyed being part of the big Abrazo family, but that doesn't mean you have to. After all opinions and preferences are what make us people, I just hope if you choose an agency that pushes semi or closed adoptions that you truly know what that means for you child throughout their life. I pray you can sit by them when they don't know the answers and the doctor says that treatment must be the most radical because they don't know. I have a dear friend who was adopted in the 70's when closed was all there was. At the age of 37 she passed away, that was just last year and after a fight with breast cancer that could have been easier (and very possibly beatable), had her parents had her birthfamily's info and contact all along. Her mother gave a eulogy like no other as she cried for the loss of her daughter. I am paraphrasing but here is what I remember from the funeral:
Sharon said she had prayed for a baby girl all her life. Her dreams and childhood memories were full of raising and mothering a family full of happy children. At 24 she was told she could not concieve and the adoption process began. The lawyer they chose contacted a group home and made the arrangements and eventually a set of twins were delivered and Sharon's family was full overnight. Todd and Lydia arrived and a new chapter began. Todd was lost as a toddler to diabetes, and while that was tragic and the pain unbearable, their lives were still full because of Lydia. So, throwing themselves into work and Lydia, they existed for years. At 27, Lydia was married. That was the happiest day of her life. Tom walked Lydia down the aisle to Mike and their life began. Lydia announced they were expecting before the first anniversary rolled around. Thrilled, the sonograms were shared and names discussed. In her 6th month, Lydia was diagnosed with breat cancer. The joy quickly had a black cloud over it. The next weeks were carefully planned, and Bridgett arrived, healthy but very very early. Lydia was ok, but began a downhill spiral that lasted 8 years. Sure the joys of motherhood were there, but the end was looming at every turn in treatment and with every surgery. Bridgett got to know her mom and will have memories forever, but has lost that mom too early. Tom and I have lost our child, and Mike has lost a wife and best friend. The joys Lydia brought us all are too many to count and too precious to forget. Some of you have noticed the empty chairs in the front row, those were for the family Lydia did not know. It was her wish that they be in front of our family on this day, to represent the first family she never knew. Her wish to find them were never fulfilled, but we ask that those of you here today not forget the empty chairs. Lydia was searching for family and things she did not find, she wanted us to remind you that searching is not easy. Finding yourself along the way is better than all the hard times and had she found that first family, we would have all welcomed them, for to share the love of another is to share a bliss that can not be compared. Thansk you for sharing our bliss in lovng Lydia, and please go find what you are missing, the journey to you will never leave you empty handed.
What she said cemented my choices and the reasons I will fight for contact when my daughter is 18. I cried that day for my friend, her family and her daughter. Hell, I am crying now just thinking about it all. But I walked to that front row and as I read the place cards on each seat I said a prayer that the Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Siblings and extended family of every adopted child get the joy of sharing their love and lives with the adopted child and their adopted families. After all, Bridgett could use a few more people loving her, and could have used a few more people who knew her mom's story in her life now. Lydia could have used the family history that she did not have to potentially beat breast cancer and get to see her child walk down the aisle.
Can you be semi-honest or semi-pregnant?
Abrazo is not the agency for you if you are unwilling to fully embrace the family your future child will come from. Not every agency is for everyone, but I thank God every day that the woman at Abrazo helped us to educate us on the importance of openess in adoption. Because of this openess our family expanded by not only two beautiful children but by the very families that loved these children first before we even knew of them.
I consider both my children's first family my family as well.
I called and asked approximately how long a family might wait. The woman who answered said, "We only work with families who want a completely Open adoption. My husband and I prefer semi-open and that is our preference. She went on to say, well, you can't be semi-honest or semi-pregnant! What nerve? Who is she to judge us? All I did was ask one question and got this arrogant response from this person I feel I should not be dealing with families if this is how a family is treated. I would not consider them EVER!!! I am sure glad I never got to the point to send them any money and learned how obnoxious they are ... right from the start!! This worker actually did our family a favor. I would stay away from this agency because apparently they do NOT respect the families' wishes at all.
I'm not sure if there's anything more important when you're adopting a child than working with an agency that's truly ethical. You want to sleep easy at night knowing your child wasn't coerced out of the hands of a vulnerable woman or that your child's birth parents were treated with respect, provided emotional support and counceling, and understood their options. You want to know that your child's birth parents were able to make an adoption plan, choosing the future parents of their child(ren) based on their own wishes. I feel Abrazo did this among many other things. I never had to doubt the support my child's birth mother received. I never have to fall asleep wondering if she was mistreated or if the Abrazo was unethical. She knows she has someone to turn to if needed and she feels like she was treated with respect. In my book, those are the top 2 things that matter. Some couples may be drawn to Abrazo because of their short wait time in relation to other agencies. I'll admit it was one of the first things that sparked our interest, but if you are truly looking for an avenue that you can feel proud telling your children about, look deeper into Abrazo.
I've read a lot of bad reviews about the agency in relation to their staff. It's hard for most people to realize the extreme amount of work these ladies do in relation to the staff they can afford. They're a nonprofit agency - incredibly successful at what they do - and they work 24/7, sacrificing a LOT to bring families together through adoption. I've read a lot about adoptive families feeling mistreated or not receiving guidance. As prospective adoptive parents or parents-in-waiting, we can feel so lost. Hopefully, you want to do the right thing and sometimes you're just not sure what that is. I was NEVER mistreated for asking an honest and unselfish question. However, I think a lot of prospective adoptive parents knock on Abrazo's door hoping they can get away with faking a passion for openness (in open adoption) and the agency will be okay with that. Abrazo does expectant/birth mothers a service by striving to provide them with options of good-hearted, true-intentioned adoptive parents. For those who don't believe they have enough guidance, they should try the forum. It's the most amazing resource I've ever seen in the adoption community. The education adoptive parents can receive is something they can carry with them forever for the benefit of their children and their children's first families. It teaches the gamut of adoption knowledge with everything from perspective to adoption law. It's a place where adoptive parents and parents-in-waiting can find support in a community full of people who know how challenging, yet rewarding, open adoption can be.
The adoption journey causes lots of bumps and bruises for all involved and while some of those bruises may be on the egos of prospective adoptive parents or parents-in-waiting (or even adoptive parents), I'd hope many of those people would step back and ask if they gained perspective because of it. The families I know who signed on with Abrazo with pure hearts proved themselves to the agency as fit OPEN adoptive parents and were the recipients of the biggest blessing they could have ever imagined... new family members that span far beyond the child they adopted. You may feel like you're proving yourself to the agency along the way and while this may be frustrating or seem like a waste of your time, I think you'll find in the end that you gained perspective that will help you become a better parent in the end. It will leave you feeling confident in your actions. These ladies will keep you on a straight, honest, respectable path and you'll be able to look your child in the eye when you tell him/her their life story some day, too. That's a big gift.
In addition, a yearly camp provides a safe environment for all members of the adoption triad to get together once a year in fellowship. It allows children who were adopted to maintain lifelong friendships with other children who have the same roots. It gives birth parents a way to view other families living open adoptions as well as time to talk with agency staff and grieve openly without judgement. It gives adoptive parents perspective as well... it's a safe place for people to grow, grieve and feel thankful.
For those considering this agency, consider what's important to you. If you're looking for a new best friend, you may or may not find that. If you're looking for support, you'll find it in different ways... through the forum and the agency's staff. If you're seeking ethics, you've found the right place. You won't find an agency that lives and breathes openness any more than Abrazo, nor do I think you'll find an agency that gives you the resources to grow - learning all about open adoption and finding yourself comfortable with things you never imagined. It will make you better parents to your future child, I can say that with 100% certainty.
My husband and I decided to look into adoption after years of trying to become pregnant. We honestly didn't know what to expect, and after looking at several agencies we picked Abrazo because of their specialty in working with couples with infertility. This agency really taught us a lot about open adoption, and encouraged us to continue learning while we waited to be matched. The staff was always more than supportive if we had questions or felt confused about anything (which happened a lot as we learned more!). The wait was the hardest part, but it was all worth it once we were matched with a wonderful young lady. The experience we had with this special woman was so tremendous, especially when our son was placed with us. Because of Abrazo, we learned how to have a relationship with our son's mother that is still going strong today. This agency really expects you to be open and work with them, it isin't the right agency for everyone, but for those who put in the work the reward is priceless.
My husband and I came to Abrazo two years ago with high hopes and excited hearts toward an open adoption relationship with a birth-mom. We were also eager to have a great relationship with our agency. We were matched with a birth-mom very quickly, and we fell IN LOVE with this lovely young lady! We visited her several times before the baby was born, and developed a wonderful relationship that is strong to this day. Our baby was born, with us right there, and we will never forget such a beautiful day and such a wonderful experience.
Abrazo did a wonderful thing when they gave this girl our profile to consider. But after they matched us we received VERY LITTLE guidance or encouragement from our agency. We did EVERYTHING they asked of us including homework, classes, workshops, visiting our birth-mom three times before the baby was born (and we lived 1000 miles away!!), and yet we always felt completely unsupported by our agency. We paid everything on time, and even had a surplus in our account, yet we still could not please the director. There was little to no communication from our agency, even though we had to mail in monthly homework, updates, etc...we never heard from them.
We had charges on our bill that were invalid, but we had to pay them anyway. There were no receipts to shown to us to prove any expenses, there were many miscellaneous charges listed that could not be disputed, and when we asked why, we were belittled for not "trusting our agency after all they had done for us."
We never got answers, and because of our questions, our finalization got delayed for months and months even though our birthmom was completely happy and our social worker was recommending our finalization immediately. WE were being "punished" for not being "on board" with the agency. However, when you are paying $20,000-$30,000 in adoption expenses and trip costs, you feel like you have a right to know where your money is going. We never received a refund for the money we were owed, and still had to pay for hundereds of unexplained "miscellaneous" fees.
Since our experience, we have talked to over 12 other couples from Abrazo and have found that MOST of them have also had similar experiences. Many, many unexplained charges, feeling disliked by the agency staff, feeling like you cannot ask questions for fear you might make the director angry, many delayed finalizations for no legal reasons (except that the director felt like delaying it), demands placed on you to visit your birthmom in order to finalize (which is NOT legally required), and having a very difficult time getting back the money in the escrow account after finalization. (You are required to keep a balance of $3,000 at all times....we had even more than that.)
We have a wonderful relationship with our birthmom, and have the best baby ever!! We would go through the hell that we suffered again to get our wonderful child.....but we will not ever use Abrazo again, and we could NEVER recommend it to anyone--friend or stranger.
Abrazo has a forum where you can chat and get wonderful advice from other adoptive parents. We always felt very loved and supported by the other parents...but never the agency. (In fact, our birth-mom told us that when she attended the few support meetings that she did go to, that even the director talked badly about the adoptive parents.....) We were warned during the orientation by several returning Abrazo couples that we should NEVER cross the director, NEVER write anything on the forum that was negative, NEVER question a charge, NEVER write anything in a personal message on the forum (because the director would read those too), and NEVER ask about finalization....because it would be delayed on purpose because you asked.
We rolled our eyes at their comments. Surely it would not be THAT bad.....besides, they were REPEAT adoptive parents through Abrazo....
But it WAS that bad.....and we saw things happen to adoptive friends that were even worse.
I would love to warn everyone that is considering Abrazo to beware. They do place many babies, and they teach you WONDERFUL things about open adoption. We have grown so much as a couple and as individuals because of the things we were required to learn through our time at Abrazo.
We will ALWAYS choose open adoption every time we adopt from now on....but we will NEVER choose to go through the abuse we suffered at the hands of Abrazo ever again.
My wife and I adopted through Abrazo 5 years ago. I just can't begin to express how horrific an experience it was. The manipulation and underhanded treatment we received at the hands of the Director culminated with our Baby being taken from us. It was only through the efforts of the Birth Parents and some fine attorneys and Social Workers that we were able to get our baby back and get home.
If anyone would like to discuss further, please feel free to contact me at adoptivedad@aol.com.
When I first contacted Abrazo, I was VERY leery about what "openness" meant. My husband and I were not comfortable at all with giving intimate information about ourselves to a complete stranger. After speaking with some of the employees at Abrazo, we agreed to learn more about the open adoption process and tried to keep an open mind. I have to say that we grew so much through their orientation weekend, and the extra reading that we did ourselves. I think the biggest factor was actually hearing from some mothers who had placed. We eventually got to a place where we did feel more comfortable with openness and it ended up being the best decision we ever made, because we still have wonderful contact with our son's mother to this day! Whatever your preferences are, you have to find an agency that you are comfortable working with, and I think the agency has to know they can expect the same from their adoptive parents. I'm deeply sorry if you felt offended by how you were greeted, but maybe it was best that you were both honest about your expectations from the beginning?
I have to say I had high expectations of this agency reading reviews, however, when I called in wanting to ask some questions I was met with total rudeness. You can just tell if someone doesn't want to be bothered....that is how I felt. I have learned to trust a gut feeling and mine is not good in regards to this agency. As stated, not every agency is for everyone. I prefer to spend my money with one that I do get a warm fuzzy feeling from!! I also feel they would benefit in looking for some friendly people instead of spending so much time monitoring what is being said about them on here. I noticed how quick they are to be appauled at what is said about them. Get over it that is what this is for- for our reviews to give our opinions. And- teach your phone reps to say goodbye at the end of a conversation before hanging up on the person!!!
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In early December 2009, we submitted an application (plus fee) to Abrazo. I called 3 weeks later since we hadn't heard anything and the lady I spoke with said they were reviewing our application and that we should hear something soon. On December 23rd, we received a letter from them stating, "due to your limited racial preferences, we are unable to forward our application packet at this time. We will continue to keep your inquiry on file for the next year should our placement needs change over that time." (the letter was signed by Angela Martinez) That was it. They never bothered to call us before they made a decision to discuss our application - never asked us any questions - strictly turned us down. Needless to say we were devasted - and our Christmas was ruined. On January 12, 2010, I called them to ask why we were turned down without them even showing any interest in talking with us before they made a decision. (The name the lady gave me was Capri) I also requested that they return a wedding photo I submitted with my application. I explained it was my last copy of that photo and I wanted it back since they had 2 other photos of us. She was extremely rude and copped an attitude with me. She said it clearly states on their application that information can not be returned and will be kept on file for a year. I told her we didn't expect to be turned down and that all I was asking for was that one photo. She told me I could call back in December to have it sent when my year was up. Fast forward to 12.7. I talked with Brianna. She said she would pull my file and call me back. On 12.14, I called her back and said she had my file and it was their policy to not return any information. I asked to speak with the director, Elizabeth - she took a my info to have her call. Elizabeth actually called me back, but my answering machine cut her message short. I left messages for her on 12.20, 12.21, 12.22.....FINALLY on January 10, 2011 I connected with Elizabeth. (she NEVER returned my calls) She tried to tell my they did not have my file - I said Brianna told me on 12.14 she had my file. Then she tried to tell me Brianna wasn't even working there on 12.14. It was just one lie after another. I told her Capri told me I could call back in December when my year was up to request my photo. She said they don't even have anyone that works there named Capri. Not only did they lie that they keep your file for a year, Abrazo employees give out fake names! I asked Elizabeth for a copy of my property and she said they state they do not return anything submitted. I told her she needed to do a better job at training her employees to lie because they can't get their stories straight. I am SO thankful we did not adopt with Abrazo. They can not be trusted, they are unprofessional and they judge people.
I have had numerous bad experiences with the director of this agency. and would not recommend this agency AT ALL due to the attitude and actions of its director.
The staff seems to run things in an "ok" way, but the director was the however, was the deal breaker.
She seems to make up the "rules" as she goes, depending on how much you make or "contribute to the agency".
I was VERY skeptical of many of their practices, and again, it seemed that the director was "making the rules up" as she went.
I have spoken with MANY couples whom did and did not end up adopting through ABRAZO. The consensus is that if the director gets involved AT ALL in your adoption, then there is trouble to be had. It is as if she has nothing better to do with her time than "mess with people's lives". After speaking with the staff, I got the feeling they had the same view of the director. There was a noticeable "disapproval" of the director in general, but it was also obvious that they could and would do nothing about it, which, in my book, makes them just as guilty.
I do believe in COMPLETELY open adoption, and agree with their stand on this and only this, however, the director seems to feel that having contact with the agency afterwards, and contributing to the agency monitarily afterwards, is more important than having an open relationship with your birthmother, period.
The director is constantly asking for money to be donated to the agency. Im not sure what this money is actually used for, because we donated to the birthmother account and then ABRAZO refused to help fund our birthmother's travel to the annual reunion. What are they doing with the funds if they arent using them for the birthmothers as promised?????
I am VERY leery of the agency's use of funds. The staff complained about not having money and being a nonprofit organization, and yet the staff continually takes extravagant trips, even several trips to international locations "for educational purposes" when they dont even do international adoption!!!
I have no doubt that its a matter of time before licensing gets wise and shuts this agency down, or at least the board of directors (which was apparently hand picked by the director herself) decides that enough is enough and removes the director from her position so that the agency can actually run as it should and not be burdened by the director and her inappropriate/unethical ways.
Did I adopt there? Yes.
Would I adopt there again? Not if the director is still there. Its just not worth the heartache she caused.
My advise to others looking to adopt? Go elsewhere. ANYWHERE ELSE. Adopt open. Remember, even "closed" agencies are as open as you make them, its your decision. If you want an open relationship with your birthmom, then YOU make it happen. An adoption works best when the agency takes as little role as possible, and leaves the relationship to birthmom and adoptive family.
This director wants to "play God" and be in the middle of everything and "mess with" as many lives as she can, in whatever way she wants to on that day. Its ridiculous.
I love my daughter, but I just wish the first part of her story wasnt so "tainted" by the emotional and financial abuse from this agency and its director.
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Reviews
Great Agency!
I adopted twice through Abrazo. I am a single mom of two wonderful boys. My experience was great! This agency has taught me so much. My children and I are blessed to be a part of Abrazo. I am so proud of the way they educate prospective parents prior to adoption. The ladies of Abrazo work very hard to see that everyone is treated with respect. I looked for an agency for quite a while before speaking with Abrazo. They didn't hesitate to work with me because I was single. They were very thorough with each aspect of adoption. I really feel like the children come first with Abrazo. I don't know that you can say that with every agency. I would recommend them to anyone. Glad to be part of the Abrazo family!
Hmmm...
I must say I have spoken to well over a 100 families that have placed with Abrazo and not one of them has had this happen to them! We had an excellent experience with Abrazo and would recommend them to ANYONE!!!!
I do know that there are obligations you have to meet during your probationary period and if you do not meet those, there is always that chance. But honestly I had never heard of this happening!!!! I know what those obligations are and that is surprising that someone might not uphold those.
We looked at several agencies and found NOTHING even compares to Abrazo. The agency has the best reputation when it comes to open adoption, the education of open adoption and the caring for the sweet women that they work with everyday!!!!
Please e-mail me with any questions you might have of this agency or its director! I know them both well!
Awesome Agency!
I contacted Abrazo over 15 years ago about placing my twins. I was treated with the respect I deserved. The director personally came to my home and worked with me one on one to find the right family for my children. I placed my twins in an open adoption with a wonderful family in Pennsylvania. I would recommend Abrazo to anyone that is looking to adopt and to place. If I ever needed to place again, I would put all my trust back to Abrazo!
Love them!
I loved Abrazo. We were recently placed with a beautiful baby boy. They have been very helpful, and I LOVE the support they give via thier forum, etc. This is a tight knit community that puts adoption about the child, not the parents (which is what it SHOULD BE!).
Wonderful experience
My husband and I adopted our daughter through Abrazo 5 years ago and returned "home" last year to adopt a sibling for our daughter. We took placement of our second child this June.
I can't imagine using any other agency. They are awesome and know what they are doing.
They are truly put the safety of the children first and for that we are forever grateful.
We thank God for Abrazo and the ladies that work there.
The grass is always greener, right?
I never thought I would be in a position to place a child for adoption, and I am betting many of you never thought you would need to adopt, but life happens and for whatever reason we find ourselves needing to place/adopt a child and we need someone to help us in that process. I have been down the road, TWICE. Go ahead, make a snap judgement, I am used to it. BUT before you write me off, hear me out. I have politely read the other comments here, and I do not choose to know or act like I am judge jury or executioner here, so please take a moment and consider having the same polite and open mind.
My first expirience was with an agency in Dallas, and for a very short time, I thought it was great... that is until I began to feel like I was only needed for the child I was carrying, and should be seen and not heard. The could I picked went from wanting a very open adoption to semi-open and once they had my sweet baby girl in their arms, they closed it down... and the agency just let it happen, even though I had been promised ao much more. I was not ever semi-pregnant, but semi-open would have been an easier pill to swallow than just shutting me out, but no one spoke to ME. Adoption Access simply said that was what "the family" wanted.... UH, HELLO! I AM FAMILY! I gave BIRTH to that child, and my preferences should matter! And, even with the anger and pain that caused, I still would never "take my baby back" because I made a commitment. I will however be there THE DAY she turns 18, with copies of every letter and attempt to reach out that I made... then it will be my daughter's wants that will determine where it goes. I pray she never hates her parents for choosing to shut me out, but I do think that the decision to should be addressed within their family, and I hope we can all be friends after that. After all, I only wanted that as I handed over a sweet faced, auburn haired bundle to two loving caring parents who had pretended to be my friend up until that moment, and very quickly broke a very fragile heart with their choice to shut me out.
Fast forward a few years, and me... I refer to myself as "fertile Myrtle" here, because I was... this is where I found myself pregnant after a very violent rape. My faith worked on me with this pregnancy and I finally decided that yes adoption was the only solution for me, and I had to find an agency because I was NOT going back to Access. After calling/meeting with several agencies, I called Abrazo in San Antonio. I spoke with a few different people on several different calls and decided their passion for openness is exactly what I needed. I did find that they could be extremely frank about what their policy was, and I did have a few conversations with Elizabeth where her concern for me outweighed her ability to 'hear' what I was saying. However, her ears did open and we have been friends for years, and she has even offered to help with the first adoption roadblocks on several occassions.
I was met in Dallas to go over my packet by a very sweet lady who was my contact for a very short time (she left the agency soon after our meeting), and I was given another very nice contact, Katherine, who spent many hours helping me find the right family for my son. I picked a family out the first 10 profiles and half dozen calls, spoke with them on the phone several times a day, they lived near me and even began coordinating a visit where they could attend my sonogram with me as we all completed paperwork and shuffled things back and forth with Abrazo. Then the bottom fell out, that family decided I wasn't a good fit for them when reality set in that it was a rape. I crumbled! Abrazo picked me up, helped me put my heart back together and got me another stack of profiles.
I picked again after several calls, I was reassured that the families ALL KNEW that it was a rape. This family did not live near me, they did want to visit and we talked each day as papers were filled out and full information shared. and just like the first time... they got scared. They decided that the rape was too much for them... and I ws left with another family who rejected me and my child. (consider this when the Mama Bear is poked with a stick, I got angry, I was devastated and my child was almost in their arms! By then I wasabout 7 1/2 months prgenant, and the hormones alone were enough, then add the feeling of not being good enough, not being worth it for someone to be honest before I fell in love with their family... it was NOT a good time and it was the week before Christmas.) I was not happy, and Abrazo heard me out. I screamed, I cried, I fell apart, I didn't get out bed for several days. They help me up, and carried me through that hell.
They carefully went through their files and spoke with each family in depth before even sending me the profiles again. I opened a package to find 10 or so more, but my reluctance and doubt in the process truly prevented me from choosing any of them. Sure I talked to a few, but no sparks, and definitely no calm in the options. I called, I talked to Katherine, Elizabeth and many others in that handful of days. They wanted to send me more profiles, but in my defeated heart, I didn't have any hope. I was beaten down by the sadness that even though two families KNEW of the rape before we even spoke once, that in the end that was the cause of them walking away from a match. I know their hearts were broken, just as mine was... but how does a parent feel when a child isn't being picked, EVER.. this child was given a hard begining. They would have to be strong when they were old enough to know about their creation and how they were a product of violence. They would have to be strong to be adopted and be willing to work through the battles that adoptees face as children, teens and adults. But now they were being chosen.. rejection of a child is a hard pill to swallow.
Elizabeth & Katherine, and the other ladies, convinced me that they had a few more families I should consider. That they were hand picked and had been cleared/pre-screened for sensitivity to rape and I was ensured that these few had no issues with the situation. I refused to let them mail me the profiles. It was a month before I would be in labor, I had to choose a family, or move on. I let them fax me the profiles for 3 of them. We had a bad fax machine, the pictures were solid black, but I had their words. I stood over the fax machine, sobbing as the first profile came across, it was a no from the first paragraph, not that they were bad people, but there was nothing for me there. The second was like a truck hit me. I sat down and was reading faster than the fax could print it out. I knew they were it. I called before the last page even printed, "Katherine, I want to talk to this family tonight! Or now, just as soon as I can"... she made it happen. I know it sounds corny to say you had me at hello, but they did. I felt like I knew them. I felt like I knew their hearts and like they were already family. We clicked, we talked for three hours over the next 24 hours. I called Katherine and said that they were "it" and quickly added, "Can I tell them that I pick them?"
I called that Thursday, I still remember their reaction, and it's been over ten years. The paperwork all shuffled through, and even though I was very pensive about the whole thing, the match was finalized. My son was born and his parents have loved and cared for him every moment along the way. They have sent pictures, we have spoken on the phone and we have even had a few mini-vacations along the way. I could not imagine a better match for my son, or me. I pray the AP's feel the same and that the bonds only get stronger over time.
Abrazo handled every step and every fastball with class and ease. They took a very stressful situation and turned it into a beautiful ending. Sure there were bumps, just as in ever relationship. I think it would be unhealthy to expect it to be a perfectly smooth ride. I believe we were all doing the best with what we had to work with.
Now for the hard questions:
Do I believe that ABrazo is perfect for every birthparent? No, I don't. Just like every shoe doesn't fit every foot, there are styles of communication and processes that are better suited for one person better than another. I believe every one has a different approach, personality, set of winning characteristics and a set of faults, which is why the freedom to choose is so precious.
Do I believe that Abrazo is perfect for every adoptive parent? No, I don't... did you see the first answer?
Do I believe that Open Adoptions are perfection? No, I am not oblivious enough to think that the world is ready for everyone to know it all, or that everyone is strong enough to handle it. Open adoptions are work, just like a marriage, or a friendship you want to keep for a lifetime, you have to work at it. There will be hiccups and bruises, but in the end, those who choose openness have a joy that fills their life because they are choosing to share their world with people who have a common goal. They are choosing to say the child is more important than all the drama, and the joy and connections you make as a result make the work all worth it. Should those who choose closed adoptions, or purposely adopt internationally to avoid the birthfamily connections, be aware of the pitfalls they are setting their kids up for...YES! Should they do a ton of research about the adults who were left with no connections to their beginings, YES! Should the state make the information available to adult adoptees if they choose to ask for it, YES! Those kids will grow up, they will have questions, and they DESERVE answers if they want them and as a parent you should WANT your child to have their dreams come true... what if the dream of knowledge of their beginings won't come true because YOU, the adoptive parent, chose for them? Have you considered that? Have you considered how upset they may be with you for preventing them from knowing? Last time I checked having a few more people love your kid wasn't a bad thing!
Do I believe that some agencies, birthparents & even some adoptive parents are bad? Yes, we are all human and with that comes good, bad and indifferent. Some birthparents are deceptive or purposefully harmful to everyone involved and agencies and ap's sometimes get swept up and harmed along the way. Some agentcies are bad news and don't follow the law and the sp's and birthparents get hurt in the process. Some ap's are not great and the agencies and birthparents are thrown for a loop. But all in all, those are hopefully few and far between, even though the media tends to focus on the negative and put that "bad" face out there as if it were the only option.
Do I feel like some people should not be involved in adoptions on any level or in any role? Yes, and hopefully the process Abrazo has in place will weed those out.
Would I use Abrazo again? Yes, in a heartbeat! Would I expect it to go perfectly, no, and to do so would be like expecting socks to fit a rooster.
Would I choose Openness again? Yes, because as a whole it is healthier for the child than any other choice, and I would want my child to believe that I would allow them ALL the options in life, not just a pre-determined set. I also believe it is healthier for the adults involved! I am a much more content and emotionally healthy birth mom when I know how my kiddo is than when I don't. Wondering is rooted in evil and pain like nothing else, to not know if your child is safe, healthy, alive and being provided for is more painful than you could know. Don't forget, I live on both sides of that fence as a birthmom. I have seen the depths of that depression, and the highs of the joy of knowing. I have never been on the adoptive parent side, but I do have a daughter that I raised. She's 16, and knowing that she can ask me anything about our family (and she has, multiple times) and me knowing I can give her the answers is priceless. I don't know how adoptive parents in a closed adoption answer their kid when they ask who they look like, or why they have ADD or even the scary questions like what is the family history of breast cancer? Consider not knowing that last one when your surgeon explains that knowing your genetic history determines a course of treatment and your LIFE is on the line, tell your little angel that is now 35 and a parent that you don't know anything about their birthfamily and that deciding on a course of treatment will be less effective because of it. Tell your grandkids that their mom might have made it but you thought they didn't NEED their birthfamily bothering your family!
Do you have a choice? Yes, all of us do, even Abrazo. Their mission is very plain and they do turn down couples, and birthparents if they are not a good fit. I would hope they would. As employers, they choose the best people they can, but reality is that those are people and they do make mistakes and every job is not for everyone. You have to decide if they fit you, then they decide if you fit them and help you find a good fit for the child. That may be a painful process and it WILL require work! If it were easy, or perfect, then we wouldn't be here because everyone who wanted a baby would magically have one, and everyone who didn't wouldn't.
Does Abrazo expect you to work and prepare above and beyond the state requirements of Texas AND the state where you live? Yes, and they should! Birthparents are handing you a child! Buck up! We are giving you your dreams, right? Most Ap's have prayed for a child for decades and most birthparents are praying the people they choose are ready, good, just, honest, loving, caring, hard working, educated, and so much more... shouldn't you HAVE to make an effort? After all, we are handing you a child that grew from our DNA... FOREVER... and we can not legally expect anything from you... how sad is that?
Most people call and visit at least 20 daycares before settling on one or tour 15 apartments before renting one. Birthparents don't have the liberty of watching you interact with their child, or watching via nanny-cam to be sure you aren't bad people. We don't get the liberty of saying you need a degree in child rearing or that you need to have gone over and above to convince us that the amenaties in your life are perfect for the child. We are turning over all decisions about healthcare, morals, religion/faith, rules, curfews, school selection, approval of dating age and who they go out with, who they play with, what colleges would be a good fit, what electives in high school. We don't get to mold their dreams or choices byt giving them our examples and love. We are giving you the world of a child to manipulate and mold, praying you will handle with care and love and that our kid will turn out a decent person with dreams and hopes and with a sturdy foundation in their parents. Birthparents are given no certificate of completion on THOSE things, and Abrazo knows that. They try to provide us with as much security in our choice as they can. I believe they do a damn good job at that, and yes, I expect more than that from the ap's, and you should, too.
I have one more thoguth, then I will hand the soap box over for someone else, I know I am a bit passionate and out spoken on the topics above, but I have been on the other side of the Openness fance, and grass isn't greener.
When I consider the "semi-pregnant" comment, I have a mixed opinion. As a woman I can not be semi-pregnant, and I agree that semi-open is just as pointless as closed adoptions. There is just too much research and proof showing open is the healthiest for the child. I feel like the harshness of the statement is meant to put up a fence and force you to choose which side you live on, the harshness may be the only way to NOT waste your time and theirs. They have done this too long to have wishy-washy-ness clouding their process when their are people who fit the mold Abrazo set up who are ready to adopt, and ready to do the work Abrazo requires. The Abrazo side of the fence may be greener grass for some, but definitely not all of us. I love them, and their process, and have enjoyed being part of the big Abrazo family, but that doesn't mean you have to. After all opinions and preferences are what make us people, I just hope if you choose an agency that pushes semi or closed adoptions that you truly know what that means for you child throughout their life. I pray you can sit by them when they don't know the answers and the doctor says that treatment must be the most radical because they don't know. I have a dear friend who was adopted in the 70's when closed was all there was. At the age of 37 she passed away, that was just last year and after a fight with breast cancer that could have been easier (and very possibly beatable), had her parents had her birthfamily's info and contact all along. Her mother gave a eulogy like no other as she cried for the loss of her daughter. I am paraphrasing but here is what I remember from the funeral:
Sharon said she had prayed for a baby girl all her life. Her dreams and childhood memories were full of raising and mothering a family full of happy children. At 24 she was told she could not concieve and the adoption process began. The lawyer they chose contacted a group home and made the arrangements and eventually a set of twins were delivered and Sharon's family was full overnight. Todd and Lydia arrived and a new chapter began. Todd was lost as a toddler to diabetes, and while that was tragic and the pain unbearable, their lives were still full because of Lydia. So, throwing themselves into work and Lydia, they existed for years. At 27, Lydia was married. That was the happiest day of her life. Tom walked Lydia down the aisle to Mike and their life began. Lydia announced they were expecting before the first anniversary rolled around. Thrilled, the sonograms were shared and names discussed. In her 6th month, Lydia was diagnosed with breat cancer. The joy quickly had a black cloud over it. The next weeks were carefully planned, and Bridgett arrived, healthy but very very early. Lydia was ok, but began a downhill spiral that lasted 8 years. Sure the joys of motherhood were there, but the end was looming at every turn in treatment and with every surgery. Bridgett got to know her mom and will have memories forever, but has lost that mom too early. Tom and I have lost our child, and Mike has lost a wife and best friend. The joys Lydia brought us all are too many to count and too precious to forget. Some of you have noticed the empty chairs in the front row, those were for the family Lydia did not know. It was her wish that they be in front of our family on this day, to represent the first family she never knew. Her wish to find them were never fulfilled, but we ask that those of you here today not forget the empty chairs. Lydia was searching for family and things she did not find, she wanted us to remind you that searching is not easy. Finding yourself along the way is better than all the hard times and had she found that first family, we would have all welcomed them, for to share the love of another is to share a bliss that can not be compared. Thansk you for sharing our bliss in lovng Lydia, and please go find what you are missing, the journey to you will never leave you empty handed.
What she said cemented my choices and the reasons I will fight for contact when my daughter is 18. I cried that day for my friend, her family and her daughter. Hell, I am crying now just thinking about it all. But I walked to that front row and as I read the place cards on each seat I said a prayer that the Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Siblings and extended family of every adopted child get the joy of sharing their love and lives with the adopted child and their adopted families. After all, Bridgett could use a few more people loving her, and could have used a few more people who knew her mom's story in her life now. Lydia could have used the family history that she did not have to potentially beat breast cancer and get to see her child walk down the aisle.
Cathy88, Abrazo's strength
Cathy88,
Abrazo's strength is uniting families through open adoption on behalf of the baby/child they both love.
Their adoptions are not based only on adopting family's wishes, sorry you felt this to be an arrogant response to your desires.
Open adoption requires balance... and starts with mutual respect and compassion for the first parents of any child placed.
Welllll.....
Can you be semi-honest or semi-pregnant?
Abrazo is not the agency for you if you are unwilling to fully embrace the family your future child will come from. Not every agency is for everyone, but I thank God every day that the woman at Abrazo helped us to educate us on the importance of openess in adoption. Because of this openess our family expanded by not only two beautiful children but by the very families that loved these children first before we even knew of them.
I consider both my children's first family my family as well.
Very Rude ... Would Not Consider
I called and asked approximately how long a family might wait. The woman who answered said, "We only work with families who want a completely Open adoption. My husband and I prefer semi-open and that is our preference. She went on to say, well, you can't be semi-honest or semi-pregnant! What nerve? Who is she to judge us? All I did was ask one question and got this arrogant response from this person I feel I should not be dealing with families if this is how a family is treated. I would not consider them EVER!!! I am sure glad I never got to the point to send them any money and learned how obnoxious they are ... right from the start!! This worker actually did our family a favor. I would stay away from this agency because apparently they do NOT respect the families' wishes at all.
Ethical Agency
I'm not sure if there's anything more important when you're adopting a child than working with an agency that's truly ethical. You want to sleep easy at night knowing your child wasn't coerced out of the hands of a vulnerable woman or that your child's birth parents were treated with respect, provided emotional support and counceling, and understood their options. You want to know that your child's birth parents were able to make an adoption plan, choosing the future parents of their child(ren) based on their own wishes. I feel Abrazo did this among many other things. I never had to doubt the support my child's birth mother received. I never have to fall asleep wondering if she was mistreated or if the Abrazo was unethical. She knows she has someone to turn to if needed and she feels like she was treated with respect. In my book, those are the top 2 things that matter. Some couples may be drawn to Abrazo because of their short wait time in relation to other agencies. I'll admit it was one of the first things that sparked our interest, but if you are truly looking for an avenue that you can feel proud telling your children about, look deeper into Abrazo.
I've read a lot of bad reviews about the agency in relation to their staff. It's hard for most people to realize the extreme amount of work these ladies do in relation to the staff they can afford. They're a nonprofit agency - incredibly successful at what they do - and they work 24/7, sacrificing a LOT to bring families together through adoption. I've read a lot about adoptive families feeling mistreated or not receiving guidance. As prospective adoptive parents or parents-in-waiting, we can feel so lost. Hopefully, you want to do the right thing and sometimes you're just not sure what that is. I was NEVER mistreated for asking an honest and unselfish question. However, I think a lot of prospective adoptive parents knock on Abrazo's door hoping they can get away with faking a passion for openness (in open adoption) and the agency will be okay with that. Abrazo does expectant/birth mothers a service by striving to provide them with options of good-hearted, true-intentioned adoptive parents. For those who don't believe they have enough guidance, they should try the forum. It's the most amazing resource I've ever seen in the adoption community. The education adoptive parents can receive is something they can carry with them forever for the benefit of their children and their children's first families. It teaches the gamut of adoption knowledge with everything from perspective to adoption law. It's a place where adoptive parents and parents-in-waiting can find support in a community full of people who know how challenging, yet rewarding, open adoption can be.
The adoption journey causes lots of bumps and bruises for all involved and while some of those bruises may be on the egos of prospective adoptive parents or parents-in-waiting (or even adoptive parents), I'd hope many of those people would step back and ask if they gained perspective because of it. The families I know who signed on with Abrazo with pure hearts proved themselves to the agency as fit OPEN adoptive parents and were the recipients of the biggest blessing they could have ever imagined... new family members that span far beyond the child they adopted. You may feel like you're proving yourself to the agency along the way and while this may be frustrating or seem like a waste of your time, I think you'll find in the end that you gained perspective that will help you become a better parent in the end. It will leave you feeling confident in your actions. These ladies will keep you on a straight, honest, respectable path and you'll be able to look your child in the eye when you tell him/her their life story some day, too. That's a big gift.
In addition, a yearly camp provides a safe environment for all members of the adoption triad to get together once a year in fellowship. It allows children who were adopted to maintain lifelong friendships with other children who have the same roots. It gives birth parents a way to view other families living open adoptions as well as time to talk with agency staff and grieve openly without judgement. It gives adoptive parents perspective as well... it's a safe place for people to grow, grieve and feel thankful.
For those considering this agency, consider what's important to you. If you're looking for a new best friend, you may or may not find that. If you're looking for support, you'll find it in different ways... through the forum and the agency's staff. If you're seeking ethics, you've found the right place. You won't find an agency that lives and breathes openness any more than Abrazo, nor do I think you'll find an agency that gives you the resources to grow - learning all about open adoption and finding yourself comfortable with things you never imagined. It will make you better parents to your future child, I can say that with 100% certainty.
Abrazos
We are very confused.
We are trying to decide whether to go with Abrazos or go with another agency in Texas.
We have so far found the experience with Abrazos to be 'different' but they seem to know their stuff.
Any comments as are hoping to make a decision soon.
The main issue is the breakdown of their fees and the 'openness' that they push.
We are open and want a relationship but not one where we are with the birth family more than 2 or 3 times a year.
Thanks.
Eye-Opener
My husband and I decided to look into adoption after years of trying to become pregnant. We honestly didn't know what to expect, and after looking at several agencies we picked Abrazo because of their specialty in working with couples with infertility. This agency really taught us a lot about open adoption, and encouraged us to continue learning while we waited to be matched. The staff was always more than supportive if we had questions or felt confused about anything (which happened a lot as we learned more!). The wait was the hardest part, but it was all worth it once we were matched with a wonderful young lady. The experience we had with this special woman was so tremendous, especially when our son was placed with us. Because of Abrazo, we learned how to have a relationship with our son's mother that is still going strong today. This agency really expects you to be open and work with them, it isin't the right agency for everyone, but for those who put in the work the reward is priceless.
Will NEVER use ABRAZO again
My husband and I came to Abrazo two years ago with high hopes and excited hearts toward an open adoption relationship with a birth-mom. We were also eager to have a great relationship with our agency. We were matched with a birth-mom very quickly, and we fell IN LOVE with this lovely young lady! We visited her several times before the baby was born, and developed a wonderful relationship that is strong to this day. Our baby was born, with us right there, and we will never forget such a beautiful day and such a wonderful experience.
Abrazo did a wonderful thing when they gave this girl our profile to consider. But after they matched us we received VERY LITTLE guidance or encouragement from our agency. We did EVERYTHING they asked of us including homework, classes, workshops, visiting our birth-mom three times before the baby was born (and we lived 1000 miles away!!), and yet we always felt completely unsupported by our agency. We paid everything on time, and even had a surplus in our account, yet we still could not please the director. There was little to no communication from our agency, even though we had to mail in monthly homework, updates, etc...we never heard from them.
We had charges on our bill that were invalid, but we had to pay them anyway. There were no receipts to shown to us to prove any expenses, there were many miscellaneous charges listed that could not be disputed, and when we asked why, we were belittled for not "trusting our agency after all they had done for us."
We never got answers, and because of our questions, our finalization got delayed for months and months even though our birthmom was completely happy and our social worker was recommending our finalization immediately. WE were being "punished" for not being "on board" with the agency. However, when you are paying $20,000-$30,000 in adoption expenses and trip costs, you feel like you have a right to know where your money is going. We never received a refund for the money we were owed, and still had to pay for hundereds of unexplained "miscellaneous" fees.
Since our experience, we have talked to over 12 other couples from Abrazo and have found that MOST of them have also had similar experiences. Many, many unexplained charges, feeling disliked by the agency staff, feeling like you cannot ask questions for fear you might make the director angry, many delayed finalizations for no legal reasons (except that the director felt like delaying it), demands placed on you to visit your birthmom in order to finalize (which is NOT legally required), and having a very difficult time getting back the money in the escrow account after finalization. (You are required to keep a balance of $3,000 at all times....we had even more than that.)
We have a wonderful relationship with our birthmom, and have the best baby ever!! We would go through the hell that we suffered again to get our wonderful child.....but we will not ever use Abrazo again, and we could NEVER recommend it to anyone--friend or stranger.
Abrazo has a forum where you can chat and get wonderful advice from other adoptive parents. We always felt very loved and supported by the other parents...but never the agency. (In fact, our birth-mom told us that when she attended the few support meetings that she did go to, that even the director talked badly about the adoptive parents.....) We were warned during the orientation by several returning Abrazo couples that we should NEVER cross the director, NEVER write anything on the forum that was negative, NEVER question a charge, NEVER write anything in a personal message on the forum (because the director would read those too), and NEVER ask about finalization....because it would be delayed on purpose because you asked.
We rolled our eyes at their comments. Surely it would not be THAT bad.....besides, they were REPEAT adoptive parents through Abrazo....
But it WAS that bad.....and we saw things happen to adoptive friends that were even worse.
I would love to warn everyone that is considering Abrazo to beware. They do place many babies, and they teach you WONDERFUL things about open adoption. We have grown so much as a couple and as individuals because of the things we were required to learn through our time at Abrazo.
We will ALWAYS choose open adoption every time we adopt from now on....but we will NEVER choose to go through the abuse we suffered at the hands of Abrazo ever again.
Steer Clear...Horrible Experience
My wife and I adopted through Abrazo 5 years ago. I just can't begin to express how horrific an experience it was. The manipulation and underhanded treatment we received at the hands of the Director culminated with our Baby being taken from us. It was only through the efforts of the Birth Parents and some fine attorneys and Social Workers that we were able to get our baby back and get home.
If anyone would like to discuss further, please feel free to contact me at adoptivedad@aol.com.
Sincerely,
Adoptive Dad
Just A Thought
When I first contacted Abrazo, I was VERY leery about what "openness" meant. My husband and I were not comfortable at all with giving intimate information about ourselves to a complete stranger. After speaking with some of the employees at Abrazo, we agreed to learn more about the open adoption process and tried to keep an open mind. I have to say that we grew so much through their orientation weekend, and the extra reading that we did ourselves. I think the biggest factor was actually hearing from some mothers who had placed. We eventually got to a place where we did feel more comfortable with openness and it ended up being the best decision we ever made, because we still have wonderful contact with our son's mother to this day! Whatever your preferences are, you have to find an agency that you are comfortable working with, and I think the agency has to know they can expect the same from their adoptive parents. I'm deeply sorry if you felt offended by how you were greeted, but maybe it was best that you were both honest about your expectations from the beginning?
Don't call in to ask questions
I have to say I had high expectations of this agency reading reviews, however, when I called in wanting to ask some questions I was met with total rudeness. You can just tell if someone doesn't want to be bothered....that is how I felt. I have learned to trust a gut feeling and mine is not good in regards to this agency. As stated, not every agency is for everyone. I prefer to spend my money with one that I do get a warm fuzzy feeling from!! I also feel they would benefit in looking for some friendly people instead of spending so much time monitoring what is being said about them on here. I noticed how quick they are to be appauled at what is said about them. Get over it that is what this is for- for our reviews to give our opinions. And- teach your phone reps to say goodbye at the end of a conversation before hanging up on the person!!!
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Why do we have to give a star- o stars
This agency is a nightmare!!!! STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM!!!
WOULD NOT RECOMMEND ABRAZO TO MY WORST ENEMY
In early December 2009, we submitted an application (plus fee) to Abrazo. I called 3 weeks later since we hadn't heard anything and the lady I spoke with said they were reviewing our application and that we should hear something soon. On December 23rd, we received a letter from them stating, "due to your limited racial preferences, we are unable to forward our application packet at this time. We will continue to keep your inquiry on file for the next year should our placement needs change over that time." (the letter was signed by Angela Martinez) That was it. They never bothered to call us before they made a decision to discuss our application - never asked us any questions - strictly turned us down. Needless to say we were devasted - and our Christmas was ruined. On January 12, 2010, I called them to ask why we were turned down without them even showing any interest in talking with us before they made a decision. (The name the lady gave me was Capri) I also requested that they return a wedding photo I submitted with my application. I explained it was my last copy of that photo and I wanted it back since they had 2 other photos of us. She was extremely rude and copped an attitude with me. She said it clearly states on their application that information can not be returned and will be kept on file for a year. I told her we didn't expect to be turned down and that all I was asking for was that one photo. She told me I could call back in December to have it sent when my year was up. Fast forward to 12.7. I talked with Brianna. She said she would pull my file and call me back. On 12.14, I called her back and said she had my file and it was their policy to not return any information. I asked to speak with the director, Elizabeth - she took a my info to have her call. Elizabeth actually called me back, but my answering machine cut her message short. I left messages for her on 12.20, 12.21, 12.22.....FINALLY on January 10, 2011 I connected with Elizabeth. (she NEVER returned my calls) She tried to tell my they did not have my file - I said Brianna told me on 12.14 she had my file. Then she tried to tell me Brianna wasn't even working there on 12.14. It was just one lie after another. I told her Capri told me I could call back in December when my year was up to request my photo. She said they don't even have anyone that works there named Capri. Not only did they lie that they keep your file for a year, Abrazo employees give out fake names! I asked Elizabeth for a copy of my property and she said they state they do not return anything submitted. I told her she needed to do a better job at training her employees to lie because they can't get their stories straight. I am SO thankful we did not adopt with Abrazo. They can not be trusted, they are unprofessional and they judge people.
Horrible experience with Abrazo
I have had numerous bad experiences with the director of this agency. and would not recommend this agency AT ALL due to the attitude and actions of its director.
The staff seems to run things in an "ok" way, but the director was the however, was the deal breaker.
She seems to make up the "rules" as she goes, depending on how much you make or "contribute to the agency".
I was VERY skeptical of many of their practices, and again, it seemed that the director was "making the rules up" as she went.
I have spoken with MANY couples whom did and did not end up adopting through ABRAZO. The consensus is that if the director gets involved AT ALL in your adoption, then there is trouble to be had. It is as if she has nothing better to do with her time than "mess with people's lives". After speaking with the staff, I got the feeling they had the same view of the director. There was a noticeable "disapproval" of the director in general, but it was also obvious that they could and would do nothing about it, which, in my book, makes them just as guilty.
I do believe in COMPLETELY open adoption, and agree with their stand on this and only this, however, the director seems to feel that having contact with the agency afterwards, and contributing to the agency monitarily afterwards, is more important than having an open relationship with your birthmother, period.
The director is constantly asking for money to be donated to the agency. Im not sure what this money is actually used for, because we donated to the birthmother account and then ABRAZO refused to help fund our birthmother's travel to the annual reunion. What are they doing with the funds if they arent using them for the birthmothers as promised?????
I am VERY leery of the agency's use of funds. The staff complained about not having money and being a nonprofit organization, and yet the staff continually takes extravagant trips, even several trips to international locations "for educational purposes" when they dont even do international adoption!!!
I have no doubt that its a matter of time before licensing gets wise and shuts this agency down, or at least the board of directors (which was apparently hand picked by the director herself) decides that enough is enough and removes the director from her position so that the agency can actually run as it should and not be burdened by the director and her inappropriate/unethical ways.
Did I adopt there? Yes.
Would I adopt there again? Not if the director is still there. Its just not worth the heartache she caused.
My advise to others looking to adopt? Go elsewhere. ANYWHERE ELSE. Adopt open. Remember, even "closed" agencies are as open as you make them, its your decision. If you want an open relationship with your birthmom, then YOU make it happen. An adoption works best when the agency takes as little role as possible, and leaves the relationship to birthmom and adoptive family.
This director wants to "play God" and be in the middle of everything and "mess with" as many lives as she can, in whatever way she wants to on that day. Its ridiculous.
I love my daughter, but I just wish the first part of her story wasnt so "tainted" by the emotional and financial abuse from this agency and its director.