I wish I had known about this site much sooner. I had a similar experience to "Misled Birthmom." We found out we were pregnant in October of 2003, and didn't decide to place her until February 13th, 2004. That was the day we went to Demastus. We were told that since it was so late in the pregnancy, that we had to pick an A-couple right then & there. So we did, not knowing any better. On February 25th, the horrible doctor they had chosen for me induced labor against my wishes (I wanted a c-section, but he supposedly didn't do those), and had to do an emergency c-section. I had just met the A-couple THAT morning. They didn't seem to want anything to do with me or my hubby, the Demastus ladies didn't want to help either of us, the doctors & nurses went against my wishes on just about everything...and it took 2 years (and the help of ANOTHER agency) for me to even get a single picture of her, and we're back to no contact again.
I've since placed another child, he's 2 now, I'm still in touch with his A-mom at least once a week through e-mail, she sends pictures all the time online, through a shutterfly account so I can get copies whenever I want. I went through another agency for that one. They were better before the adoption, but the after-birth care was just as shady & awful.
I wouldn't mind the lack of communication, but for the fact that we wanted an open adoption. I understand that A-parents can be fearful that B-parents might "change their minds" later on, but that doesn't really give them the right to cut us out of their lives all together. Especially since I really need to get in touch with them to advise them of a hereditary medical condition their daughter might have that I just had surgery for. I have no idea how to contact, other than through Demastus, and I'm having no luck at finding an e-mail address for them. The A-mom from the second adoption is trying to assist me in contacting them somehow. (serious condition, had a neurosurgeon operating on me, and is more likely in females than males)
This is really upsetting, she may not be "my daughter" anymore, but I did give birth to her, and I don't want her to have to go through what I've just gone through if catching it earlier would prevent it.
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I have 3 wonderful children all to the thanks of the ladies of Demastus. My 2 sons have the same Bmom and my daughter has a differtent bmom.
It maybe that the bmom of your daughter does not want the contact. I would speak to Julie Demastus directly ( if you have not already done so) and make sure that they are passing the request for contact along to the bmom. They are ususally pretty good about contacting the A-parents.
Before my daughers bmom had my address Demastus called us and let us know that she wanted pictures. I immidiately sent them and let her know that I would be in OK for the birth of my youngest son. A month after the birth I came back to OK with my daughter so that she could see her in person again. I even broought mhy olderst son with me so he could spend time with his bmom. I have regular contact with my sons bmom ( weekly) and wich that my daughters bmom would call us more frequently.
I have noticed a decline in the level of service at Demastus, this just means that you need to be more forceful and call them often.
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Similar Experience
I wish I had known about this site much sooner. I had a similar experience to "Misled Birthmom." We found out we were pregnant in October of 2003, and didn't decide to place her until February 13th, 2004. That was the day we went to Demastus. We were told that since it was so late in the pregnancy, that we had to pick an A-couple right then & there. So we did, not knowing any better. On February 25th, the horrible doctor they had chosen for me induced labor against my wishes (I wanted a c-section, but he supposedly didn't do those), and had to do an emergency c-section. I had just met the A-couple THAT morning. They didn't seem to want anything to do with me or my hubby, the Demastus ladies didn't want to help either of us, the doctors & nurses went against my wishes on just about everything...and it took 2 years (and the help of ANOTHER agency) for me to even get a single picture of her, and we're back to no contact again.
I've since placed another child, he's 2 now, I'm still in touch with his A-mom at least once a week through e-mail, she sends pictures all the time online, through a shutterfly account so I can get copies whenever I want. I went through another agency for that one. They were better before the adoption, but the after-birth care was just as shady & awful.
I wouldn't mind the lack of communication, but for the fact that we wanted an open adoption. I understand that A-parents can be fearful that B-parents might "change their minds" later on, but that doesn't really give them the right to cut us out of their lives all together. Especially since I really need to get in touch with them to advise them of a hereditary medical condition their daughter might have that I just had surgery for. I have no idea how to contact, other than through Demastus, and I'm having no luck at finding an e-mail address for them. The A-mom from the second adoption is trying to assist me in contacting them somehow. (serious condition, had a neurosurgeon operating on me, and is more likely in females than males)
This is really upsetting, she may not be "my daughter" anymore, but I did give birth to her, and I don't want her to have to go through what I've just gone through if catching it earlier would prevent it.
so sorry
Hi,
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I have 3 wonderful children all to the thanks of the ladies of Demastus. My 2 sons have the same Bmom and my daughter has a differtent bmom.
It maybe that the bmom of your daughter does not want the contact. I would speak to Julie Demastus directly ( if you have not already done so) and make sure that they are passing the request for contact along to the bmom. They are ususally pretty good about contacting the A-parents.
Before my daughers bmom had my address Demastus called us and let us know that she wanted pictures. I immidiately sent them and let her know that I would be in OK for the birth of my youngest son. A month after the birth I came back to OK with my daughter so that she could see her in person again. I even broought mhy olderst son with me so he could spend time with his bmom. I have regular contact with my sons bmom ( weekly) and wich that my daughters bmom would call us more frequently.
I have noticed a decline in the level of service at Demastus, this just means that you need to be more forceful and call them often.
Good luck