This is long - but worth the read! Try me. If not, post your comments and direct them to my subject line. If you do read it - please read it in its entirety.
I have no reason to pick a side of this debate, so I say this sort of as an outsider since we have not used any agency yet but are thinking about it. Would everyone stop and take a look and listen to what you are saying. Some of you may be forgetting facts that you may have heard from the agency or should have read for yourselves or maybe even in someone else's ignorance have been mistold. Look through the packet yourselves and see for yourself. What do you read? Go by that. Not what someone else says. If that is different than what the agency says then have grief with THEM first. Check out the facts. To the person who wrote "owner threatened us"; you mentioned the birthmother told you the truth. How can you be so sure? I don't know the circumstance but listen to your statement. How do you know you can believe her instead of the agency? Can she not lie? Did you think there might be a motive there? Think about it. Sorry to rain on everybody's negativity and sorry for any true bad problems you all have had, I truly am and I wouldn't want it on anyone. I just think everyone has to be very careful the things you say and make sure they are facts. Don' t just feed off the fuel that each of you are creating. I did that one time and found out the hard way that I was wrong. I was given wrong information and I took it as truth. It was a hard pill to swallow but when that happens you have to use it and learn from it.
There is a risk that is very real and devastating in some cases when dealing with a birth mom who is allowed to change their mind. - Can you blame them when they see that precious baby? But we all go in to it knowing that ( its in the packet). Remember we choose how much we want to support the mom. (its in the packet,too.)We also have to remember that we are dealing with lives. Some of the wordings of ALL comments sounds like this is some kind of market and we have this agency out here shopping for us. This is all sounding like it is being made out to be all they have to do is go out and find these women having babies and get one for us. ( I am fighting for the right wording here. I hope I am getting my point across.) Realize here, are we encouraging people to make the right choices when they can't keep their own child. But we are not to be creating a market where people are having babies on purpose to support the great adoption market or because of the money in it. Isn't that called something? And who might be reading this? Is a birth mom reading this? What does she think? We truly want her to know we will love that child as if it were our own and will fight for it and want what is best for it and that it is truly wanted by any of us. There is a fine line for all involved - including any agency to be ware what is happening here. We have to be careful because when we start using the terms business and recruiting and competitive field - we begin to question the goal here ultimately - to make a better life for a child. To cause them to be given life - period. To give that mom a hope. I understand to a certain extent that we do have to "recruit" these moms as far as letting them know they have the option of adoption instead of abortion but we have to be careful that we are not encouraging pregnancy in the first place to keep the market going. The field should not be "competitive ". It doesn't matter who she goes through as long as she chooses life. Let all who read this heed that. Just be there and give these moms information and let them see this would be the best alternative to keeping their baby themselves. Pray for these moms. Pray God will guide them to make the choice that would most honor Him. I realize too that some of you may not necessarily be part of a Christian home, you just want what each of us want. A child of your own. But we as adoptive parents have the chance to change a life and show them the grace of God. What a beautiful example of grace adoption is. Let's make sure we have the right motives for (side 1) being in the adoption "business" and (side 2) for wanting to adopt. To give the grace we have been given.
I understand everyone wants to warn people if they feel there is a danger. But we need to have the facts right. If that is you, good. If it is not, then you know who you are. But everyone else doesn't. Like I said, I am neutral as far as which side I fall on - but maybe I can help both sides to do a better job and be a better person. This is just like a fight going on at a church. Who are you helping here? What good is going to come of it? It just keeps out those who need to be there. ( I have learned that the hard way, too;by being in a church that didn't have all the facts.) We are going to keep out those who would make excellent adoptive parents because they don't want to have to go through all this. And we may keep out the very ones we are called to help - these precious moms and babies.
God bless our feeble efforts to do Your will! God bless us with a child if it is Your will! Amen.
Thank you for your insights. You are quite correct in your points. Not what is said - but what the agency gives you IN WRITING.
I've been there as my sisters went through the adoption process. They each have adopted 2 infants. The ups & downs. The worries. The money. The hope. On & on it goes. But, the outcomes (kids!!) were worth it - they've assured me!
I wish you the very best as you start the process!
Thank you for taking the time to write this. I wish there were more parents who would take the time to do some education on adoption like you did. When an agency tells parents the things you said, they seem to think that we are "feeding them a line". These issues really are adoption. Adoption is a difficult process, it is not easy! Just like having a child and raising a child biologically is not easy, but I think we all agree that it is worth it.
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This is long - but worth the
This is long - but worth the read! Try me. If not, post your comments and direct them to my subject line. If you do read it - please read it in its entirety.
I have no reason to pick a side of this debate, so I say this sort of as an outsider since we have not used any agency yet but are thinking about it. Would everyone stop and take a look and listen to what you are saying. Some of you may be forgetting facts that you may have heard from the agency or should have read for yourselves or maybe even in someone else's ignorance have been mistold. Look through the packet yourselves and see for yourself. What do you read? Go by that. Not what someone else says. If that is different than what the agency says then have grief with THEM first. Check out the facts. To the person who wrote "owner threatened us"; you mentioned the birthmother told you the truth. How can you be so sure? I don't know the circumstance but listen to your statement. How do you know you can believe her instead of the agency? Can she not lie? Did you think there might be a motive there? Think about it. Sorry to rain on everybody's negativity and sorry for any true bad problems you all have had, I truly am and I wouldn't want it on anyone. I just think everyone has to be very careful the things you say and make sure they are facts. Don' t just feed off the fuel that each of you are creating. I did that one time and found out the hard way that I was wrong. I was given wrong information and I took it as truth. It was a hard pill to swallow but when that happens you have to use it and learn from it.
There is a risk that is very real and devastating in some cases when dealing with a birth mom who is allowed to change their mind. - Can you blame them when they see that precious baby? But we all go in to it knowing that ( its in the packet). Remember we choose how much we want to support the mom. (its in the packet,too.)We also have to remember that we are dealing with lives. Some of the wordings of ALL comments sounds like this is some kind of market and we have this agency out here shopping for us. This is all sounding like it is being made out to be all they have to do is go out and find these women having babies and get one for us. ( I am fighting for the right wording here. I hope I am getting my point across.) Realize here, are we encouraging people to make the right choices when they can't keep their own child. But we are not to be creating a market where people are having babies on purpose to support the great adoption market or because of the money in it. Isn't that called something? And who might be reading this? Is a birth mom reading this? What does she think? We truly want her to know we will love that child as if it were our own and will fight for it and want what is best for it and that it is truly wanted by any of us. There is a fine line for all involved - including any agency to be ware what is happening here. We have to be careful because when we start using the terms business and recruiting and competitive field - we begin to question the goal here ultimately - to make a better life for a child. To cause them to be given life - period. To give that mom a hope. I understand to a certain extent that we do have to "recruit" these moms as far as letting them know they have the option of adoption instead of abortion but we have to be careful that we are not encouraging pregnancy in the first place to keep the market going. The field should not be "competitive ". It doesn't matter who she goes through as long as she chooses life. Let all who read this heed that. Just be there and give these moms information and let them see this would be the best alternative to keeping their baby themselves. Pray for these moms. Pray God will guide them to make the choice that would most honor Him. I realize too that some of you may not necessarily be part of a Christian home, you just want what each of us want. A child of your own. But we as adoptive parents have the chance to change a life and show them the grace of God. What a beautiful example of grace adoption is. Let's make sure we have the right motives for (side 1) being in the adoption "business" and (side 2) for wanting to adopt. To give the grace we have been given.
I understand everyone wants to warn people if they feel there is a danger. But we need to have the facts right. If that is you, good. If it is not, then you know who you are. But everyone else doesn't. Like I said, I am neutral as far as which side I fall on - but maybe I can help both sides to do a better job and be a better person. This is just like a fight going on at a church. Who are you helping here? What good is going to come of it? It just keeps out those who need to be there. ( I have learned that the hard way, too;by being in a church that didn't have all the facts.) We are going to keep out those who would make excellent adoptive parents because they don't want to have to go through all this. And we may keep out the very ones we are called to help - these precious moms and babies.
God bless our feeble efforts to do Your will! God bless us with a child if it is Your will! Amen.
wow!
Thank you for your insights. You are quite correct in your points. Not what is said - but what the agency gives you IN WRITING.
I've been there as my sisters went through the adoption process. They each have adopted 2 infants. The ups & downs. The worries. The money. The hope. On & on it goes. But, the outcomes (kids!!) were worth it - they've assured me!
I wish you the very best as you start the process!
Adoption Advantage
Thank you for taking the time to write this. I wish there were more parents who would take the time to do some education on adoption like you did. When an agency tells parents the things you said, they seem to think that we are "feeding them a line". These issues really are adoption. Adoption is a difficult process, it is not easy! Just like having a child and raising a child biologically is not easy, but I think we all agree that it is worth it.