To all "Adopt. not Christian" headings': If it means anything to you, you need to know that many on here write "anonymous" so dont think that all the comments posted here are from one person. While I have agreed with some of the other comments written back to you this is the first time I am writing to defend what I wrote in my first long letter. This will be my second long letter. Just so you know now, who those others were not from.
First of all I will excuse you for assuming I dont have any children of my own. We have an 8 year old son. We do have that special bond between him that you speak of. Dont tell me its bullcrap when I haven't even said if I was a mom or not. That was wrong of you. I just want to be a mom again and have more children. To allow my child to know what it means to have a brother or sister and to get to be a big brother. To teach that child like my son already about the love of God and to serve Him. Maybe if you've never experienced the desire to want children but then not been able to then you can't understand my reasons. We have been married several years and only have 1child - that is ok, too, but when I think of the many babies and kids not able to stay with their mom maybe thru adoption a life will be saved and we will want them. That is all I was saying.
Secondly, lets keep things in the context of what I was writing. You have to read this from the view point I was writing from. I was writing in reply to all of the recent messages about how bad everything is with the system. When you criticized me for saying something about being Christian you did the very thing I was trying to prevent. You mis-read it. If you are going to read it, read it correctly. I was making a comment about God and that WE are a Christian family and that was part of our reason for adopting and our views on all this. But, I was taking into account that not everyone reading this or not everyone trying to adopt may be christian. I was letting the reader know that I realize that may be the case. I was letting you know my perspective. You actually proved my point by telling me of your terrible experiences. I think it is safe to say those you have had to deal with in your life were not. That, I think we all would agree should not have happened and that is even part of what I was tryingto make a point of the first time. People get into adoption- some people for whatever reason- with many wrong motives and they shouldn't be there. I am sorry for what you have gone through. Now, let me say this also, in addressing your put down of all Christians in general - people can say they are the president of the US if they want to- doesn't mean they are. People can say they are Christian if they want to- doesn't mean they are. Some people have an incorrect understanding of what Christianity is. That is unfortunate because they mislead people like what you are saying and that makes it harder on the rest of Christians to show the lost what it really means. There must be a change of heart- Change of life- repenting of sins or turning from them - and faith in God and fruit. They must bear fruit showing their salvation to be true. Obviously, the people you speak of wer not. They were abusive and are not privileged to say they are Christian. You are right to say that Christians should help moms and children stay together. Many times that does work out. I know of several in my small world who have - but there must be something in place for those who do not want to or can't keep their child. That is where adoption comes in. There was no talk of adoption being closed.
I wasn't saying it was all about us as adoptive parents - quite the contrary, it is all about the child. About giving a child a life after their mom gives them life. You tell me to go to God; believe me i do go to God with my desires of wanting a child and I think He is answering me by saying "Adopt". Again, in your comments you keep referring to, you are showing me what you didn't know - that I have a child and that I really am doing this by choice. Don't you think that someone can choose this out of love.
Leave babies out of it? What do you mean? I want to give another baby a home. I also never said I would not allow the child to know their birth family. That was someone else.
Again, if you will reread in entirety and in context with what these other writers were saying - I was trying to let people see how hurtful all this is. And to be sure people on both sides are acting responsibly. Can't you see I was defending the child and the birth family.Agencies and adoptive families and birth families. The reason I brought up birth moms reading this is : What if they see this arguing among both sides and decide they dont want any part of this? it might cause them to make a wrong choice and not have the baby. I did state that adoption was 2nd best to mom keeping. Adoption is a choice to choose over abortion. This is for someone who already knows they cant keep it. I was trying to encourage birth moms who may be reading this to make the right choice - life. I'm sure every birth mom's situation is different, too. They all have different reasons. The thing everyone has to do is have a good home for them to go to.
There's no need to re write my letter - just go back and reread it along with this one. I caution people to not argue and to get their facts right. And to not forget the priority of all this is taking care of the children.
There are other children I am around - like relatives and friends- and yes if I had to take any of them to raise, I would love them like my own! When they stay with us even now I love them as my own. I didn't have any history of abuse, so I wouldn't think of anything but loving another child who came in. And never thought anyone else would question my motives. My brother has adopted his daughter whom his wife had before they were married. We have all taken her in. There is no ill treatment from any of my family towards her and sometimes we even forget that she is not his by blood. Or towards her mom for that matter. We love her very much. And now they have a son and there is no difference in the treatment of either child. So please dont think everyone has to deal with what you went through.
I hope this helps you.
In response to this post , I imagine that there are many adopted children out there who are grateful they were adopted and even if they have had heartache along the way, still feel blesed to be in the families they are in. It seems that you have had a traumatic upbringing in your situation and I Hope that you are getting the help you need. But, I do not think it is fair to assume that all adoptive parents and adoption professionals are evil. I think for most of them their hearts are in the right places even if there is disagreement on how it should be done.
There are far too many children out there who are in abusive homesthat adoption may be the best option for. I would like to think that in most situations with planned adoptions the birth mother is making the decision on her own and not out of coersion. I think it is obvious by the previous posts that there are plenty of birth mothers who change their minds and everyone respects their right to do so even if it is painful for the others involved. I did not see anyone here saying they were "owed another woman's baby".
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To all "Adopt. not
To all "Adopt. not Christian" headings': If it means anything to you, you need to know that many on here write "anonymous" so dont think that all the comments posted here are from one person. While I have agreed with some of the other comments written back to you this is the first time I am writing to defend what I wrote in my first long letter. This will be my second long letter. Just so you know now, who those others were not from.
First of all I will excuse you for assuming I dont have any children of my own. We have an 8 year old son. We do have that special bond between him that you speak of. Dont tell me its bullcrap when I haven't even said if I was a mom or not. That was wrong of you. I just want to be a mom again and have more children. To allow my child to know what it means to have a brother or sister and to get to be a big brother. To teach that child like my son already about the love of God and to serve Him. Maybe if you've never experienced the desire to want children but then not been able to then you can't understand my reasons. We have been married several years and only have 1child - that is ok, too, but when I think of the many babies and kids not able to stay with their mom maybe thru adoption a life will be saved and we will want them. That is all I was saying.
Secondly, lets keep things in the context of what I was writing. You have to read this from the view point I was writing from. I was writing in reply to all of the recent messages about how bad everything is with the system. When you criticized me for saying something about being Christian you did the very thing I was trying to prevent. You mis-read it. If you are going to read it, read it correctly. I was making a comment about God and that WE are a Christian family and that was part of our reason for adopting and our views on all this. But, I was taking into account that not everyone reading this or not everyone trying to adopt may be christian. I was letting the reader know that I realize that may be the case. I was letting you know my perspective. You actually proved my point by telling me of your terrible experiences. I think it is safe to say those you have had to deal with in your life were not. That, I think we all would agree should not have happened and that is even part of what I was tryingto make a point of the first time. People get into adoption- some people for whatever reason- with many wrong motives and they shouldn't be there. I am sorry for what you have gone through. Now, let me say this also, in addressing your put down of all Christians in general - people can say they are the president of the US if they want to- doesn't mean they are. People can say they are Christian if they want to- doesn't mean they are. Some people have an incorrect understanding of what Christianity is. That is unfortunate because they mislead people like what you are saying and that makes it harder on the rest of Christians to show the lost what it really means. There must be a change of heart- Change of life- repenting of sins or turning from them - and faith in God and fruit. They must bear fruit showing their salvation to be true. Obviously, the people you speak of wer not. They were abusive and are not privileged to say they are Christian. You are right to say that Christians should help moms and children stay together. Many times that does work out. I know of several in my small world who have - but there must be something in place for those who do not want to or can't keep their child. That is where adoption comes in. There was no talk of adoption being closed.
I wasn't saying it was all about us as adoptive parents - quite the contrary, it is all about the child. About giving a child a life after their mom gives them life. You tell me to go to God; believe me i do go to God with my desires of wanting a child and I think He is answering me by saying "Adopt". Again, in your comments you keep referring to, you are showing me what you didn't know - that I have a child and that I really am doing this by choice. Don't you think that someone can choose this out of love.
Leave babies out of it? What do you mean? I want to give another baby a home. I also never said I would not allow the child to know their birth family. That was someone else.
Again, if you will reread in entirety and in context with what these other writers were saying - I was trying to let people see how hurtful all this is. And to be sure people on both sides are acting responsibly. Can't you see I was defending the child and the birth family.Agencies and adoptive families and birth families. The reason I brought up birth moms reading this is : What if they see this arguing among both sides and decide they dont want any part of this? it might cause them to make a wrong choice and not have the baby. I did state that adoption was 2nd best to mom keeping. Adoption is a choice to choose over abortion. This is for someone who already knows they cant keep it. I was trying to encourage birth moms who may be reading this to make the right choice - life. I'm sure every birth mom's situation is different, too. They all have different reasons. The thing everyone has to do is have a good home for them to go to.
There's no need to re write my letter - just go back and reread it along with this one. I caution people to not argue and to get their facts right. And to not forget the priority of all this is taking care of the children.
There are other children I am around - like relatives and friends- and yes if I had to take any of them to raise, I would love them like my own! When they stay with us even now I love them as my own. I didn't have any history of abuse, so I wouldn't think of anything but loving another child who came in. And never thought anyone else would question my motives. My brother has adopted his daughter whom his wife had before they were married. We have all taken her in. There is no ill treatment from any of my family towards her and sometimes we even forget that she is not his by blood. Or towards her mom for that matter. We love her very much. And now they have a son and there is no difference in the treatment of either child. So please dont think everyone has to deal with what you went through.
I hope this helps you.
????
In response to this post , I imagine that there are many adopted children out there who are grateful they were adopted and even if they have had heartache along the way, still feel blesed to be in the families they are in. It seems that you have had a traumatic upbringing in your situation and I Hope that you are getting the help you need. But, I do not think it is fair to assume that all adoptive parents and adoption professionals are evil. I think for most of them their hearts are in the right places even if there is disagreement on how it should be done.
There are far too many children out there who are in abusive homesthat adoption may be the best option for. I would like to think that in most situations with planned adoptions the birth mother is making the decision on her own and not out of coersion. I think it is obvious by the previous posts that there are plenty of birth mothers who change their minds and everyone respects their right to do so even if it is painful for the others involved. I did not see anyone here saying they were "owed another woman's baby".