I am responding to this paragraph written by Adoption Advantage:
"We are always very upfront with clients when they sign up with us and explain that birth mothers do have a right to change their mind about an adoption. Everyone on our staff works very hard to make these placments go through, but sometimes there is just nothing we can do. Any adoption professional will agree. Your last failed placement was particularly heart breaking because you did travel for so long, but that is adoption. You got to talk to this birthmother before she delivered and you felt good about her placing as well-or at least that is what you told our caseworker. The caseworker in this case put in countless hours with this birth mother and even went to her house (in a terribly dangerous part of TN) at night and banged on her door trying to get the birth mother to face her. She also left countless messages on her phone attempting to counsel with her. Molly is one of our finest caseworkers and I feel she did everything possible to make this placement work for you."
So, even though MOTHERS (not "birthmothers") can choose not to place their children for adoption, they agency still works very hard to make a placement go through? This work includes harassing a mother in the middle of the night? Legal, perhaps. Ethical, most certainly not.
Ethically speaking as well, women who haven't given birth aren't "birthmothers." Mothers who haven't relinquished their children are not "birthmothers." They are expectant mothers and mothers, respectively.
"So, even though MOTHERS (not "birthmothers") can choose not to place their children for adoption, they agency still works very hard to make a placement go through?"
a couple had met the mother and baby, and was expecting the adoption to take place. since the baby was taken from the hospital and never seen again, i feel that the agency worker had every right to go to the mothers address confront the mother, and confirm, once and for all, whether she was placing the baby or not so that everyone coul move on. the mother was very immature and CRUEL to run away from the hospital like that with no explanation whatsoever. time to GROW UP. if you are going to raise a baby, ya better grow up quick. running away like a little baby is rediculous. anyway, i feel they had every right, and were obligated--to confront her.
im sure she's just SUPERMOM(NOT)
The agency stated that going to see the mother in the middle of the night was still all about making the placement go through. If the agency had concerns beyond making a placement, there are other ways to check on the mother and child to be sure they are doing fine.
Clearly, that visit was about trying to make the placement occur. I've met women who were terribly harassed upon deciding that adoption was not the choice for them. When they decided to parent instead, they were literally harassed -- for weeks -- by the agency. Agency workers tried hard to harangue these women into placing by using guilt tactics and trying to tell them it was "just their hormones talking." One woman was finally able to get the agency to leave her alone, but only after having her father confront the agency. This woman and her now 17 year old son are doing great. Mom is just finishing up her doctorate.
As sad as it is, I can understand a mother trying to avoid an agency at all costs after she changes her mind.
If the mother changed her mind and left the hospital the agencyy has no further business with her. Going to someone's house and banging on her door in the middle of the night when she has a newborn is beyond sick. It is her right to change her mind. No one needs to confront her about her choice. She legally did nothing wrong at all. She was probably terrified of someone taking her baby. After repeated messages on my phone I would be scared of the agency too. I am very sorry that the APs got their hopes up and were hurt but that is no excuse for the harrasment of this new mother. It was clear she chose to parent. Trying to push her into reliquishing is sick and immoral. It would have been nice if she had told the APs but it is not her obligation. The agency should have just dealt with the APs and left her alone. IMO the agency worker should have been arrested!
"IMO the agency worker should have been arrested!"
i disagree. she had a job to do FOR THE AP's too, not just the baby's mother. i highly doubt she was being "harrassed". why is it that the agencies only are only expected to work hard for the mother? didnt the ap's deserve an answer???
I am the potential adoptive parent and have really tried to stay off of this website since things have blown up over the last several weeks.
I really appreciate your last two entries and for your support. I never expected the agency to do what they did. An answer would have been nice, however, no one should be made to feel like they have to change their mind. In this situation no one except for my husband and my mom who traveled with us know all of the details of the bm's situation and the comments that have been made obviously reflect the lack of knowledge of the situation. The decision was hers to make and hers alone but not knowing the exact situation the bm was in, how does anyone know what was best for this child and that is not to say that we were or are. We were very close with this birthmom and the day we were to go to the hospital I was in agony because I felt so terrible that this was one of the happiest days of my life and one of the saddest, most difficult day of her life. I had hoped for a lifelong friendship with this woman, by far one of the neatest people I have ever met. We shared many phone conversations and when meeting her for the first time, I felt an instant connection and as if we had known each other for years. We shared the same faith and I trusted her. I felt that she was a woman of her word and this decision was something she had prayed about for months. So when she took off without a word to anyone, it was just so completely out of character. It is over now, we are healing and God's grace is seen in our life daily!
Thank you for making that important point Laurie. I noticed the same thing and was going to comment and then read yours which was perfect. What happened to the BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD? Who are these agencies? This site is really opening my eyes to the LACK OF CONCERN FOR CHILDREN vs. the WANTS of the POTENTIAL ADOPTIVE PARENTS and the AGENCIES are really showing their true colors aren't they. Especially in the above. My, adoption really has become quite the business. Shameful. Totally shameful.
Adoptees deserve full unconditional access to their unaltered birth certificates. Adoptees deserve to be treated like equal citizens. We are NOT commodities. We are NOT something to make a business off of. We will expose those who have violated us.
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I am responding to this
I am responding to this paragraph written by Adoption Advantage:
"We are always very upfront with clients when they sign up with us and explain that birth mothers do have a right to change their mind about an adoption. Everyone on our staff works very hard to make these placments go through, but sometimes there is just nothing we can do. Any adoption professional will agree. Your last failed placement was particularly heart breaking because you did travel for so long, but that is adoption. You got to talk to this birthmother before she delivered and you felt good about her placing as well-or at least that is what you told our caseworker. The caseworker in this case put in countless hours with this birth mother and even went to her house (in a terribly dangerous part of TN) at night and banged on her door trying to get the birth mother to face her. She also left countless messages on her phone attempting to counsel with her. Molly is one of our finest caseworkers and I feel she did everything possible to make this placement work for you."
So, even though MOTHERS (not "birthmothers") can choose not to place their children for adoption, they agency still works very hard to make a placement go through? This work includes harassing a mother in the middle of the night? Legal, perhaps. Ethical, most certainly not.
Ethically speaking as well, women who haven't given birth aren't "birthmothers." Mothers who haven't relinquished their children are not "birthmothers." They are expectant mothers and mothers, respectively.
"making adoptions go through"
"So, even though MOTHERS (not "birthmothers") can choose not to place their children for adoption, they agency still works very hard to make a placement go through?"
a couple had met the mother and baby, and was expecting the adoption to take place. since the baby was taken from the hospital and never seen again, i feel that the agency worker had every right to go to the mothers address confront the mother, and confirm, once and for all, whether she was placing the baby or not so that everyone coul move on. the mother was very immature and CRUEL to run away from the hospital like that with no explanation whatsoever. time to GROW UP. if you are going to raise a baby, ya better grow up quick. running away like a little baby is rediculous. anyway, i feel they had every right, and were obligated--to confront her.
im sure she's just SUPERMOM(NOT)
If they really had concerns
The agency stated that going to see the mother in the middle of the night was still all about making the placement go through. If the agency had concerns beyond making a placement, there are other ways to check on the mother and child to be sure they are doing fine.
Clearly, that visit was about trying to make the placement occur. I've met women who were terribly harassed upon deciding that adoption was not the choice for them. When they decided to parent instead, they were literally harassed -- for weeks -- by the agency. Agency workers tried hard to harangue these women into placing by using guilt tactics and trying to tell them it was "just their hormones talking." One woman was finally able to get the agency to leave her alone, but only after having her father confront the agency. This woman and her now 17 year old son are doing great. Mom is just finishing up her doctorate.
As sad as it is, I can understand a mother trying to avoid an agency at all costs after she changes her mind.
Sick treatment of mothers
If the mother changed her mind and left the hospital the agencyy has no further business with her. Going to someone's house and banging on her door in the middle of the night when she has a newborn is beyond sick. It is her right to change her mind. No one needs to confront her about her choice. She legally did nothing wrong at all. She was probably terrified of someone taking her baby. After repeated messages on my phone I would be scared of the agency too. I am very sorry that the APs got their hopes up and were hurt but that is no excuse for the harrasment of this new mother. It was clear she chose to parent. Trying to push her into reliquishing is sick and immoral. It would have been nice if she had told the APs but it is not her obligation. The agency should have just dealt with the APs and left her alone. IMO the agency worker should have been arrested!
arresting social workers for doing their job@@
"IMO the agency worker should have been arrested!"
i disagree. she had a job to do FOR THE AP's too, not just the baby's mother. i highly doubt she was being "harrassed". why is it that the agencies only are only expected to work hard for the mother? didnt the ap's deserve an answer???
thank you
I am the potential adoptive parent and have really tried to stay off of this website since things have blown up over the last several weeks.
I really appreciate your last two entries and for your support. I never expected the agency to do what they did. An answer would have been nice, however, no one should be made to feel like they have to change their mind. In this situation no one except for my husband and my mom who traveled with us know all of the details of the bm's situation and the comments that have been made obviously reflect the lack of knowledge of the situation. The decision was hers to make and hers alone but not knowing the exact situation the bm was in, how does anyone know what was best for this child and that is not to say that we were or are. We were very close with this birthmom and the day we were to go to the hospital I was in agony because I felt so terrible that this was one of the happiest days of my life and one of the saddest, most difficult day of her life. I had hoped for a lifelong friendship with this woman, by far one of the neatest people I have ever met. We shared many phone conversations and when meeting her for the first time, I felt an instant connection and as if we had known each other for years. We shared the same faith and I trusted her. I felt that she was a woman of her word and this decision was something she had prayed about for months. So when she took off without a word to anyone, it was just so completely out of character. It is over now, we are healing and God's grace is seen in our life daily!
just about to say the SAME THING
Thank you for making that important point Laurie. I noticed the same thing and was going to comment and then read yours which was perfect. What happened to the BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD? Who are these agencies? This site is really opening my eyes to the LACK OF CONCERN FOR CHILDREN vs. the WANTS of the POTENTIAL ADOPTIVE PARENTS and the AGENCIES are really showing their true colors aren't they. Especially in the above. My, adoption really has become quite the business. Shameful. Totally shameful.
Adoptees deserve full unconditional access to their unaltered birth certificates. Adoptees deserve to be treated like equal citizens. We are NOT commodities. We are NOT something to make a business off of. We will expose those who have violated us.