My sister had been listed with ACW for 2.5 years and finally got chosen by a birth mom in another state. The baby was born on a Sunday - no ACW people or subsequent agencies showed. The baby was allowed to room with the mom, who was having second thoughts. Again, no ACW on site. The mother refused my sister access at the hospital on Monday but ACW finally got a local agency involved who said it was still a "go". On Tuesday she surrendered the baby after a three hour ordeal and 48 hours of living with her baby. No indication from ACW that there were any second thoughts (although we obviously had figured there were). My sister took the baby home and got the call 24 hours later that the baby had to go back. The local agency was unable to even pick up the baby because - GET THIS - they generally handled foreign adoptions and only were involved because they knew someone at ACW and an Ohio judge mandated that a local agency had to be involved. My sister spent thousands of dollars on attorney's fees, travel costs, etc. for nothing but heartache. ACW was clueless and our entire family is devastated, no one from ACW was there for anybody. The birth mother had no support from ACW, no counseling for at least 24 hours after the birth. How could she be expected to do anything else? Now the birth mother has no support, no preparation and no ability to care for this gorgeous child, who is the resident ping pong ball. ACW should be mortified at how this was handled, I know the rest of us certainly are.
1. She discusses the fact the BM was in another State...no agency travels to another STate to be with AP. All families are aware of this.
2. She states..."mom was ALLOWED to room with baby whenhaving 2nd thoughts".. For god's sake!! It is HER baby! She IS allowed to room with her baby! NO one can or should stop her from spending time with her baby. This is a lifelong decision she must makeand live with. Its not a business transaction. BP's have the right to change their mind people!
3. The family had been infomraed their was legal risk... and it sounds like they took the risk and took the baby for 24 hours...AGins..any birthparent has the right to do this. As difficult as it is for the AP.
4. Fees lost... because work was done...and AP's from any agency know fees are risked without promise of a placement.
My heart goes out to any famnily who experiences a failed adoption.. but, THis person is obviously very uneducated about the adoption process.
I am very sorry to hear that the out of state adoption didn't work but i do have to agree, the agency informs you that there is a chance the birthmother will change their mind, within the 72 hrs. If you decide to take the child with you before the 72 hours is up you may have to take him or her back. The BM's are allowed to spend time with their child during their 72 hours and they can change their mind up until they sign that is one of the risk's. Also on out of state adoptions they do not have much control.
I hear a lot of people bashing adoption, I am glad adoption is an option. I would rather have someone place their child for adoption than to have it aborded, thrown in a dumpster or shaken to death because they can't handle the pressure, The birthmothers should be very proud of themselves making such a tough decision and we adoptive parents give them such credit and we envy them for being so strong and able to make such a hard decision. It seems like some people are bashing the adoptive parents. You don't think it is hard on us knowing how hard it is for the birthparents to make this decision. That is why we went with an open adoption and told the birthparents to call whenever they want and they can see her anytime, i send updates and pictures (per their request). We talk on the phone, ect.
My husband and i went thru ACW and adopted our daughter and we had a great experience we were warned of all the things that might happen. We went thru a ton of paperwork and they were very strict on the visits that needed to be made after the placement. It seemed like everything was about the birthparents (which it should be) , they provided counseling, we talked to the birthparents everyweek, i was in the delivery room and we stayed in the hospital per the birthparents request and everything went smooth. I know of about 5 other families that have adopted thru ACW since then and everything went fine and they had no problems.
I just want to say one thing remember there are always 2 sides to a story and if it is hard to believe then it probably is not the whole truth and i will leave it at that.
I'm addressing this mostly to adoptive moms :
Ladies, adoption by nature DOES INVOLVE SOME RISK!
I have family members who have experienced the roller coaster of emotions. The hopes, the disappointments, the fear - just for starters.
EVERY ADOPTION AGENCY - whether public or private - HAS SOME HORROR STORIES!!! I dare ANY of you that have expressed the harshest of comments to prove me wrong! CALL SOME AGENCIES AND FIND OUT! ASK THEM WHAT THEIR WORST CASE WAS.
IF YOU ARE WOKING WITH AN AGENCY THAT IS NOT UP FRONT ABOUT THE RISKS INVOLVED IN ADOPTION - KEEP SHOPPING!!!!
I am a hopeful gambler. My husband and I plan to work with this agency once we definitely decide we are OK with not adopting an infant. (We are both older.)
THE REASON WE CHOSE THIS AGENCY IS BECAUSE I RESEARCHED THE HECK OUT OF THE OVER 30 ADOPTION AGENCIES IN OHIO & WITHOUT A DOUBT, A CHILD IS WAITING WAS THE BEST FOR US !
I REALIZE I MAY SOMEDAY HAVE A HEARTBEAKING TALE I COULD TELL - BUT I MUST BELIEVE THAT WHATEVER IT MAY BE, IT WILL BE MORE THAN WORTH IT WHEN I LOOK INTO THE EYES OF MY CHILDREN.
MaryAnne,
Just a few things here -
1) It is apparent (to me, anyway) that there are a number of people posting here, not just one or two. Yes, there are some that have posted more than once. But if you read carefully, you can pretty much sort out which posts 'match' and were written by one person. So, I don't believe that all these posts are just the work of a few people. Too many different stories.
2) You ask why these people who are unhappy didn't say something 6 months ago. I am fairly sure that those who are unhappy with ACW probably DID say something to ACW once it was a sure reality that their adoption hopes/cases/disruptions/realtionship/whatever was OVER with ACW. That said, I don't know any adoptive parents in their right minds who would rock the boat with their agency while in the midst of an adoption proceeding, EVEN AFTER discovering that the agency was not serving their rightful needs. However, just because you speak up doesn't mean that the agency is going to do anything to satisfy your complaints.
ALSO, there is a very good reason that people are posting here anonymously. If you have been harrassed by an agency during your adoption or maybe even threatened (not saying that ACW did this), why would you go public if there is a chance you could end up being sued or something, even if you are telling the truth? How many people can afford to defend themselves against an agency's charges? Personally, I don't have a lawyer on my "staff."
The point of this forum is for people to be able to speak their minds without fear of recrimination.
3) Your argument that all agencies have horror stories is a non-argument. That may well be true, but I don't see many of them with their names in the paper and their licenses up for possible revocation. It also stands that if SOME clients had good experiences that it can not be deduced that ALL clients had good experiences.
The real point, IMHO, is whether or not ACW breached its duties as required by law. That is the main concern, I think. Secondarily, the individuals who have had poor or horrendous experiences will need to address those issues with ACW one by one. Unless, of course, there is some common thread to the problems and ACW is found to be committing the same error over and over again.
4)When you have lost the most precious thing to you on this earth by way of a child you felt someone coerced you to give up, or an adoption that did not go through or was disrupted, or fees that were collected with no apparent progress toward building your family, ETC., there is bound to be much anger, hurt, pain, and emotionalism. This is normal and people do need to vent. I don't support personal attacks, but people must be able to share their experiences, both good and bad, and they must be able to share their pain.
I would like to think that we could at least understand that there are some people who were/are affiliated with ACW and who have serious hurt and pain. I am glad that this forum is available to them as well as to those who give 5 star ratings.
Thank you for your comments, but I would like to clarify a few things.
1. If ACW waiting could not travel to another state, could they have a domestic adoption agency there to represent them? The agency ACW found was an international adoption agency, not domestic. The judge mandated an adoption agency to assist, but this did not occur in the manner instructed. ACW also did not call the BM or the AP the day the baby was born. I know it was a Sunday, but babies are born daily. If the BM would have had the proper support, this could have had a different outcome.
2. I 100% agree with this statement. However, this should have been a clue she was having second thoughts and couseling should have been given to both the AP and the BM. Instead AP were told everything was fine and not to read too much into it.
3. Yes, they were told there was risk, but how did ACW help to mitigate this risk? If the process of signing paperwork was taking hours and the birthmother was not sure, why not place the baby in foster care for the night? This would have given the BM a chance to think things through. The lawyer told my sister the important thing was that the BM signed.
4. Again, yes there are fees. However, if the baby would have been placed in foster care for the night, the attorney fees would have been about $2000 less. The fees increased tremendously once the mother signed the surrender. In addition, my sister was told the BM wanted her to care for the baby in the hospital. So they packed up and drove to another state. They ended up only seeing the baby the night he was born and not seeing him again until placement. Proper counseling of the BM could have saved quite a bit on travel fees.
The person to feel sorry for in all of this is the baby. The BM made a decision based on facts, not emotions. The facts are she has no job, no car, no place to live and no medical insurance. This is why she wanted to place. Now her emotions have taken over and she has to overcome all the same adversities as before and also care for a sweet little boy. I pray he makes it through all of this.
Yes, I am uneducated in the adoption process however, I have been a social worker in the mental health industry for 10 years and I know best practices when I see it.
I will second the comments made. "ACW was clueless and our entire family is devastated, no one from ACW was there for anybody." Amen, amen, amen. The ONLY time ACW was "there" for us was at the beginning when they were explaining their 'services' and politely taking our money. After that, good luck, because they had moved on the next suck-, I a mean, 'client.' The whole thing was a mess and they contributed to making it messier, took NO RESPONSIBILITY, and basically walked away from us. It was unbelievable, their behavior.
ACW was not "there" for us, not at all. But the worst part of the experience for us was not the money they took from us for no services provided, no not that. The worst was that they did not deliver, created more pain for our family and then just left us to deal with the mess on our own. Abandonment. It seemed so cruel to us that an ADOPTION agency would just leave their clients to fend for themselves. I felt like I had been betrayed.
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Unbelieveable!
My sister had been listed with ACW for 2.5 years and finally got chosen by a birth mom in another state. The baby was born on a Sunday - no ACW people or subsequent agencies showed. The baby was allowed to room with the mom, who was having second thoughts. Again, no ACW on site. The mother refused my sister access at the hospital on Monday but ACW finally got a local agency involved who said it was still a "go". On Tuesday she surrendered the baby after a three hour ordeal and 48 hours of living with her baby. No indication from ACW that there were any second thoughts (although we obviously had figured there were). My sister took the baby home and got the call 24 hours later that the baby had to go back. The local agency was unable to even pick up the baby because - GET THIS - they generally handled foreign adoptions and only were involved because they knew someone at ACW and an Ohio judge mandated that a local agency had to be involved. My sister spent thousands of dollars on attorney's fees, travel costs, etc. for nothing but heartache. ACW was clueless and our entire family is devastated, no one from ACW was there for anybody. The birth mother had no support from ACW, no counseling for at least 24 hours after the birth. How could she be expected to do anything else? Now the birth mother has no support, no preparation and no ability to care for this gorgeous child, who is the resident ping pong ball. ACW should be mortified at how this was handled, I know the rest of us certainly are.
Read hers carefully...parts are disturbing
1. She discusses the fact the BM was in another State...no agency travels to another STate to be with AP. All families are aware of this.
2. She states..."mom was ALLOWED to room with baby whenhaving 2nd thoughts".. For god's sake!! It is HER baby! She IS allowed to room with her baby! NO one can or should stop her from spending time with her baby. This is a lifelong decision she must makeand live with. Its not a business transaction. BP's have the right to change their mind people!
3. The family had been infomraed their was legal risk... and it sounds like they took the risk and took the baby for 24 hours...AGins..any birthparent has the right to do this. As difficult as it is for the AP.
4. Fees lost... because work was done...and AP's from any agency know fees are risked without promise of a placement.
My heart goes out to any famnily who experiences a failed adoption.. but, THis person is obviously very uneducated about the adoption process.
Read hers carefully
I am very sorry to hear that the out of state adoption didn't work but i do have to agree, the agency informs you that there is a chance the birthmother will change their mind, within the 72 hrs. If you decide to take the child with you before the 72 hours is up you may have to take him or her back. The BM's are allowed to spend time with their child during their 72 hours and they can change their mind up until they sign that is one of the risk's. Also on out of state adoptions they do not have much control.
I hear a lot of people bashing adoption, I am glad adoption is an option. I would rather have someone place their child for adoption than to have it aborded, thrown in a dumpster or shaken to death because they can't handle the pressure, The birthmothers should be very proud of themselves making such a tough decision and we adoptive parents give them such credit and we envy them for being so strong and able to make such a hard decision. It seems like some people are bashing the adoptive parents. You don't think it is hard on us knowing how hard it is for the birthparents to make this decision. That is why we went with an open adoption and told the birthparents to call whenever they want and they can see her anytime, i send updates and pictures (per their request). We talk on the phone, ect.
My husband and i went thru ACW and adopted our daughter and we had a great experience we were warned of all the things that might happen. We went thru a ton of paperwork and they were very strict on the visits that needed to be made after the placement. It seemed like everything was about the birthparents (which it should be) , they provided counseling, we talked to the birthparents everyweek, i was in the delivery room and we stayed in the hospital per the birthparents request and everything went smooth. I know of about 5 other families that have adopted thru ACW since then and everything went fine and they had no problems.
I just want to say one thing remember there are always 2 sides to a story and if it is hard to believe then it probably is not the whole truth and i will leave it at that.
the hopeful gambler
You've made good points here.
I'm addressing this mostly to adoptive moms :
Ladies, adoption by nature DOES INVOLVE SOME RISK!
I have family members who have experienced the roller coaster of emotions. The hopes, the disappointments, the fear - just for starters.
EVERY ADOPTION AGENCY - whether public or private - HAS SOME HORROR STORIES!!! I dare ANY of you that have expressed the harshest of comments to prove me wrong! CALL SOME AGENCIES AND FIND OUT! ASK THEM WHAT THEIR WORST CASE WAS.
IF YOU ARE WOKING WITH AN AGENCY THAT IS NOT UP FRONT ABOUT THE RISKS INVOLVED IN ADOPTION - KEEP SHOPPING!!!!
I am a hopeful gambler. My husband and I plan to work with this agency once we definitely decide we are OK with not adopting an infant. (We are both older.)
THE REASON WE CHOSE THIS AGENCY IS BECAUSE I RESEARCHED THE HECK OUT OF THE OVER 30 ADOPTION AGENCIES IN OHIO & WITHOUT A DOUBT, A CHILD IS WAITING WAS THE BEST FOR US !
I REALIZE I MAY SOMEDAY HAVE A HEARTBEAKING TALE I COULD TELL - BUT I MUST BELIEVE THAT WHATEVER IT MAY BE, IT WILL BE MORE THAN WORTH IT WHEN I LOOK INTO THE EYES OF MY CHILDREN.
To the "Hopeful Gambler"
MaryAnne,
Just a few things here -
1) It is apparent (to me, anyway) that there are a number of people posting here, not just one or two. Yes, there are some that have posted more than once. But if you read carefully, you can pretty much sort out which posts 'match' and were written by one person. So, I don't believe that all these posts are just the work of a few people. Too many different stories.
2) You ask why these people who are unhappy didn't say something 6 months ago. I am fairly sure that those who are unhappy with ACW probably DID say something to ACW once it was a sure reality that their adoption hopes/cases/disruptions/realtionship/whatever was OVER with ACW. That said, I don't know any adoptive parents in their right minds who would rock the boat with their agency while in the midst of an adoption proceeding, EVEN AFTER discovering that the agency was not serving their rightful needs. However, just because you speak up doesn't mean that the agency is going to do anything to satisfy your complaints.
ALSO, there is a very good reason that people are posting here anonymously. If you have been harrassed by an agency during your adoption or maybe even threatened (not saying that ACW did this), why would you go public if there is a chance you could end up being sued or something, even if you are telling the truth? How many people can afford to defend themselves against an agency's charges? Personally, I don't have a lawyer on my "staff."
The point of this forum is for people to be able to speak their minds without fear of recrimination.
3) Your argument that all agencies have horror stories is a non-argument. That may well be true, but I don't see many of them with their names in the paper and their licenses up for possible revocation. It also stands that if SOME clients had good experiences that it can not be deduced that ALL clients had good experiences.
The real point, IMHO, is whether or not ACW breached its duties as required by law. That is the main concern, I think. Secondarily, the individuals who have had poor or horrendous experiences will need to address those issues with ACW one by one. Unless, of course, there is some common thread to the problems and ACW is found to be committing the same error over and over again.
4)When you have lost the most precious thing to you on this earth by way of a child you felt someone coerced you to give up, or an adoption that did not go through or was disrupted, or fees that were collected with no apparent progress toward building your family, ETC., there is bound to be much anger, hurt, pain, and emotionalism. This is normal and people do need to vent. I don't support personal attacks, but people must be able to share their experiences, both good and bad, and they must be able to share their pain.
I would like to think that we could at least understand that there are some people who were/are affiliated with ACW and who have serious hurt and pain. I am glad that this forum is available to them as well as to those who give 5 star ratings.
Agreement
Yup, I agree there are several people posting here. And I have a suspicion some of them are ACW staffers...
Clarification
Thank you for your comments, but I would like to clarify a few things.
1. If ACW waiting could not travel to another state, could they have a domestic adoption agency there to represent them? The agency ACW found was an international adoption agency, not domestic. The judge mandated an adoption agency to assist, but this did not occur in the manner instructed. ACW also did not call the BM or the AP the day the baby was born. I know it was a Sunday, but babies are born daily. If the BM would have had the proper support, this could have had a different outcome.
2. I 100% agree with this statement. However, this should have been a clue she was having second thoughts and couseling should have been given to both the AP and the BM. Instead AP were told everything was fine and not to read too much into it.
3. Yes, they were told there was risk, but how did ACW help to mitigate this risk? If the process of signing paperwork was taking hours and the birthmother was not sure, why not place the baby in foster care for the night? This would have given the BM a chance to think things through. The lawyer told my sister the important thing was that the BM signed.
4. Again, yes there are fees. However, if the baby would have been placed in foster care for the night, the attorney fees would have been about $2000 less. The fees increased tremendously once the mother signed the surrender. In addition, my sister was told the BM wanted her to care for the baby in the hospital. So they packed up and drove to another state. They ended up only seeing the baby the night he was born and not seeing him again until placement. Proper counseling of the BM could have saved quite a bit on travel fees.
The person to feel sorry for in all of this is the baby. The BM made a decision based on facts, not emotions. The facts are she has no job, no car, no place to live and no medical insurance. This is why she wanted to place. Now her emotions have taken over and she has to overcome all the same adversities as before and also care for a sweet little boy. I pray he makes it through all of this.
Yes, I am uneducated in the adoption process however, I have been a social worker in the mental health industry for 10 years and I know best practices when I see it.
So TRUE
I will second the comments made. "ACW was clueless and our entire family is devastated, no one from ACW was there for anybody." Amen, amen, amen. The ONLY time ACW was "there" for us was at the beginning when they were explaining their 'services' and politely taking our money. After that, good luck, because they had moved on the next suck-, I a mean, 'client.' The whole thing was a mess and they contributed to making it messier, took NO RESPONSIBILITY, and basically walked away from us. It was unbelievable, their behavior.
ACW was not "there" for us, not at all. But the worst part of the experience for us was not the money they took from us for no services provided, no not that. The worst was that they did not deliver, created more pain for our family and then just left us to deal with the mess on our own. Abandonment. It seemed so cruel to us that an ADOPTION agency would just leave their clients to fend for themselves. I felt like I had been betrayed.