Can you be semi-honest or semi-pregnant?
Abrazo is not the agency for you if you are unwilling to fully embrace the family your future child will come from. Not every agency is for everyone, but I thank God every day that the woman at Abrazo helped us to educate us on the importance of openess in adoption. Because of this openess our family expanded by not only two beautiful children but by the very families that loved these children first before we even knew of them.
I consider both my children's first family my family as well.
Do you know what, I will not waste anymore time debating with you about Abrazo. They are what they are, and that's why you get along well with them.
I must have hit a nerve when I mentioned about the 3 families we learned about (one of them was a friend of my parents, and these people gave this girl everything a child should have); the other 2 we learned about through acquaintances. Perhaps it got you thinking whether it will happen to you or not? Well, only time will tell.
You are the one who started the first post to me, looking down on my preference, by stating: "Think about the other relationships in your life, do you only send letters and photos and are those relationships decent? Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge Abrazo until you truly learn more about open adoption."
Maybbe you are one of their incompetent workers who treats families in this very unprofessional manner. Hope you get what you deserve, and don't around judging others that you don't know. If that is your opinion, then good for you! We don't all have to be like YOU -- thank God! LOL You were the defensive one. It sounds like you are a frustrated person (responding in the way Abrazo did to me) by judging a couple just because they choose semi-open. What do you think about b.moms who choose this? Why don't you examine yourself and how you are reacting to people who have made different choices from yours. I am not insecure, but you are probably the one who is worried that this may also happen to you, and if it does, well ... don't complain. Then, they were meant to be with their b.parents, don't you agree?
Don't bother writing back to me, because I will not read anymore of your hideous, unfounded posts.
Well, you can still have a decent relationship with a birth mom wherein letters and photos are sent, and in having the child talk to her, if she wants this. However, we may not feel comfortable with her knowing our address or visiting us. This is something we have decided upon and that does not mean we don't respect or care about the birth mom. Of course, we would. You have your preferences, and we have ours. They should be respected and I've dealt with a couple agencies, and no one has ever made such a idiotic comment as this woman did from Abrazo. Yes, they are not the agency for us, and I'm glad we found out now, rather than later. It was unprofessional for her to come out with the remark and judge us. She does not know anything about us! I have nothing more to say about this worker, except that she portrayed herself as uncaring to the adoptive parents wishes. After all, we have something to say since we will be there for this child, every moment of his/her life and devote much of our time and love to the precious child we adopt. Actually, we are matched with someone and hope it works out. I was just curious about this agency, just in case, since someone had mentioned the name. That's all I have to say about this.
Think about the other relationships in your life, do you only send letters and photos and are those relationships decent?
Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge Abrazo until you truly learn more about open adoption.
Congrats on the match and I hope both you and the birthfamily that you are matched with will eventually be open to an open relationship.
I thank God every day that my family has such a great connection. My husband and I were so blessed to have our daughter's first family watch her for us during the days leading to our son's birth. She was able to spend several days and nights playing with her family and picking up where she left off from the last visit.
You have decided upon the relationship with the birth parents, and that is your choice. I did not like the way the staff member at Abrazo pretty much snapped (and was RUDE in her tone of voice) just because I told her we wanted a semi-open relationship. She is not to judge our decision, and no other agency I had contacted in the past ever said anything like this. It just shows the type of person she is (one I would NOT want to know).
There are birth moms who want completely closed relationships. Are they bad? No, each one of us has our preferences/reasons for our decisions. I could not say that I would want the b.parent to know our address. We have had experience with birth moms in the past (wherein we got very close to adopting and then we found out they were heavy drug users, etc.). We are both professionals and are not ignorant, and again, we have our preferences. There are many birth moms/dads who actually want "semi-open" relationships. We have come across this, and so, those adoptive parents desiring this, would be matched accordingly.
No one should judge us (or others) who have decided on this. You have decided on what is best for your family -- but that does not mean it is right for EVERY family. We will respect the mom's desires, and have been matched with one who is wanting the same thing as us. In addition, we know of 3 situations wherein the child/birth mom built such a wonderful relationship (and I feel that is great!) and then they returned to live with or in the vicinity of them and did not want contact with the parents who devoted all their years and love to them. This is very said for these a.parents who experienced this. Since you are all for totally open, then you may not mind this either. Best to you, too!
Well I was hearing you until the last part. I don't know what aparents you have spoken with, but I know many MANY people that have an open adoption and not one of those children have went back to live with thier birthparents and shut out the adoptive parents. I am hearing that as just one of the steretypes & misperceptions in your post. An open adoption isn't coparenting, you the adoptive parents are still that child's parents and will always be, you are just not shutting out the fact that YES they do have another mom, thier birthmom, and a dad, thier birthfather. You are celebrating that fact, and allowing them to continue that bond. Open adoption is in YOUR hands, if you make it about you & your jealousy / insecurity as a mom then that is what it will be & your child will sense that.
Open adoption isn't for the birth parents, nor the adoptive parents, it's about the CHILD and what he or she will want. I have done enough research to know that in my opinion it is the most healthy way to raise them. I am not saying it is the only way, but it is the best way for my family. I didn't leave it up to the birth parents, nor us, if a birthparent didn't want an open adoption....I wouldn't match with them. It's not about finding the first birth parent to choose us, it's about finding the right fit for my family & my future child's needs.
God willing my children will be close to both us and his birthfamily. This isn't a competition for us, it's about coming together for the child. Birthparents CHOOSE you to parent thier child...they are a huge part in that, why would they want to tear you apart? No birthparent is perfect, but I have yet to meet an aparent that is either. The fact is if thier life was in such a great place they wouldn't be thinking of placing would they?
From your tone & post I can't help but wonder if the rudeness was also coming from your end of the phone. I have yet to meet a person at Abrazo who is rude, unless you start in on stereotypes & putting thier birthparents in a nut shell, then they do defend them. They have the utmost respect for birthparents, ask my son's birthmom. YES they are brutally honest, which is what I LOVE. But they also arm you with education & prepare you for this journey, with you every step of the way. They aren't going to sugar coat anything, because they don't HAVE to work with you, they are out there finding the best families for thier children, not the best children for thier families. My guess is she was responding to your tone, from your post. I respect someone's decision to have a semi-open adoption but that doesn't mean I can't challenge it or your views. It most certainly probably means Abrazo is not for you, which is one reason why I LOVE this agency.
Not a forum for discussing one's point of views. Each person has their own experience WITH AN AGENCY and are entitled to post that experience.
When we have all the back and forth agreements/disagreements, we lose sight of what this website was designed to be...a resource for finding info related to one's experience using an agency.
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Reviews
Welllll.....
Can you be semi-honest or semi-pregnant?
Abrazo is not the agency for you if you are unwilling to fully embrace the family your future child will come from. Not every agency is for everyone, but I thank God every day that the woman at Abrazo helped us to educate us on the importance of openess in adoption. Because of this openess our family expanded by not only two beautiful children but by the very families that loved these children first before we even knew of them.
I consider both my children's first family my family as well.
Abrazo
Do you know what, I will not waste anymore time debating with you about Abrazo. They are what they are, and that's why you get along well with them.
I must have hit a nerve when I mentioned about the 3 families we learned about (one of them was a friend of my parents, and these people gave this girl everything a child should have); the other 2 we learned about through acquaintances. Perhaps it got you thinking whether it will happen to you or not? Well, only time will tell.
You are the one who started the first post to me, looking down on my preference, by stating: "Think about the other relationships in your life, do you only send letters and photos and are those relationships decent? Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge Abrazo until you truly learn more about open adoption."
Maybbe you are one of their incompetent workers who treats families in this very unprofessional manner. Hope you get what you deserve, and don't around judging others that you don't know. If that is your opinion, then good for you! We don't all have to be like YOU -- thank God! LOL You were the defensive one. It sounds like you are a frustrated person (responding in the way Abrazo did to me) by judging a couple just because they choose semi-open. What do you think about b.moms who choose this? Why don't you examine yourself and how you are reacting to people who have made different choices from yours. I am not insecure, but you are probably the one who is worried that this may also happen to you, and if it does, well ... don't complain. Then, they were meant to be with their b.parents, don't you agree?
Don't bother writing back to me, because I will not read anymore of your hideous, unfounded posts.
never mind...
We Have Our Preferences
Well, you can still have a decent relationship with a birth mom wherein letters and photos are sent, and in having the child talk to her, if she wants this. However, we may not feel comfortable with her knowing our address or visiting us. This is something we have decided upon and that does not mean we don't respect or care about the birth mom. Of course, we would. You have your preferences, and we have ours. They should be respected and I've dealt with a couple agencies, and no one has ever made such a idiotic comment as this woman did from Abrazo. Yes, they are not the agency for us, and I'm glad we found out now, rather than later. It was unprofessional for her to come out with the remark and judge us. She does not know anything about us! I have nothing more to say about this worker, except that she portrayed herself as uncaring to the adoptive parents wishes. After all, we have something to say since we will be there for this child, every moment of his/her life and devote much of our time and love to the precious child we adopt. Actually, we are matched with someone and hope it works out. I was just curious about this agency, just in case, since someone had mentioned the name. That's all I have to say about this.
Not so sure
Think about the other relationships in your life, do you only send letters and photos and are those relationships decent?
Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge Abrazo until you truly learn more about open adoption.
Congrats on the match and I hope both you and the birthfamily that you are matched with will eventually be open to an open relationship.
I thank God every day that my family has such a great connection. My husband and I were so blessed to have our daughter's first family watch her for us during the days leading to our son's birth. She was able to spend several days and nights playing with her family and picking up where she left off from the last visit.
Abrazo
You have decided upon the relationship with the birth parents, and that is your choice. I did not like the way the staff member at Abrazo pretty much snapped (and was RUDE in her tone of voice) just because I told her we wanted a semi-open relationship. She is not to judge our decision, and no other agency I had contacted in the past ever said anything like this. It just shows the type of person she is (one I would NOT want to know).
There are birth moms who want completely closed relationships. Are they bad? No, each one of us has our preferences/reasons for our decisions. I could not say that I would want the b.parent to know our address. We have had experience with birth moms in the past (wherein we got very close to adopting and then we found out they were heavy drug users, etc.). We are both professionals and are not ignorant, and again, we have our preferences. There are many birth moms/dads who actually want "semi-open" relationships. We have come across this, and so, those adoptive parents desiring this, would be matched accordingly.
No one should judge us (or others) who have decided on this. You have decided on what is best for your family -- but that does not mean it is right for EVERY family. We will respect the mom's desires, and have been matched with one who is wanting the same thing as us. In addition, we know of 3 situations wherein the child/birth mom built such a wonderful relationship (and I feel that is great!) and then they returned to live with or in the vicinity of them and did not want contact with the parents who devoted all their years and love to them. This is very said for these a.parents who experienced this. Since you are all for totally open, then you may not mind this either. Best to you, too!
Wow
Well I was hearing you until the last part. I don't know what aparents you have spoken with, but I know many MANY people that have an open adoption and not one of those children have went back to live with thier birthparents and shut out the adoptive parents. I am hearing that as just one of the steretypes & misperceptions in your post. An open adoption isn't coparenting, you the adoptive parents are still that child's parents and will always be, you are just not shutting out the fact that YES they do have another mom, thier birthmom, and a dad, thier birthfather. You are celebrating that fact, and allowing them to continue that bond. Open adoption is in YOUR hands, if you make it about you & your jealousy / insecurity as a mom then that is what it will be & your child will sense that.
Open adoption isn't for the birth parents, nor the adoptive parents, it's about the CHILD and what he or she will want. I have done enough research to know that in my opinion it is the most healthy way to raise them. I am not saying it is the only way, but it is the best way for my family. I didn't leave it up to the birth parents, nor us, if a birthparent didn't want an open adoption....I wouldn't match with them. It's not about finding the first birth parent to choose us, it's about finding the right fit for my family & my future child's needs.
God willing my children will be close to both us and his birthfamily. This isn't a competition for us, it's about coming together for the child. Birthparents CHOOSE you to parent thier child...they are a huge part in that, why would they want to tear you apart? No birthparent is perfect, but I have yet to meet an aparent that is either. The fact is if thier life was in such a great place they wouldn't be thinking of placing would they?
From your tone & post I can't help but wonder if the rudeness was also coming from your end of the phone. I have yet to meet a person at Abrazo who is rude, unless you start in on stereotypes & putting thier birthparents in a nut shell, then they do defend them. They have the utmost respect for birthparents, ask my son's birthmom. YES they are brutally honest, which is what I LOVE. But they also arm you with education & prepare you for this journey, with you every step of the way. They aren't going to sugar coat anything, because they don't HAVE to work with you, they are out there finding the best families for thier children, not the best children for thier families. My guess is she was responding to your tone, from your post. I respect someone's decision to have a semi-open adoption but that doesn't mean I can't challenge it or your views. It most certainly probably means Abrazo is not for you, which is one reason why I LOVE this agency.
This is a ratings website...
Not a forum for discussing one's point of views. Each person has their own experience WITH AN AGENCY and are entitled to post that experience.
When we have all the back and forth agreements/disagreements, we lose sight of what this website was designed to be...a resource for finding info related to one's experience using an agency.